Dec 24, 2005

xmas 05

ok so it's more or less two hours before xmas and everyone's in panic mode. my younger cousin, benjo, is beside me talking about frozen throne...ok he just left. anyways, we're at my tita maya's house and everyone is doing something except my lolo..oh wait he's watching tv pala.

by the way, we watched a xmas video taped by my tito ed way way back in 1996. haha! 9 years ago..you can just imagine the people here roaring in laughter while watching us "older kids"(<--redundant 'no?) make a fool out of ourselves dancing and singing our hearts out. it was the time of the "get down" dance popularized by some boyband whose name i forgot. well, im not sure if it was the bb boys or nsync. well, it was really pretty embarassing. but you can just imagine the look on my other younger cousin who's really binata na daw kuno when he saw himself 9 years younger and playing uto-uto to all those grown-ups before. haha. good times.

well, it's near xmas time and to be honest, itw asn't like any other xmas ive had before. because before, just as dec.16 comes around, i get pretty excited with the midnight of 24. let me give you a clear picture of our family during xmas:

every relative on my father's side gathers round the xmas tree after having a sumptuous xmas supper. then, the kids will be counting the hours then the minutes and watch in fascination as the hour and minute hand both point at 12. then, these little kids wait their turn as one by one they are being called by their eldest cousin to receive their different gifts. after which, the little kids retreat to their beds, smiling and content; while the adults stay up late drinking and merrying.

yep. we are the traditional filipino family on the eve of xmas. (oh wait, i forgot the going-to-church part, we do that also.)

we are doing that still but the excitement of opening the gifts and eating the served dishes didn't seem so appealing to me now. i don't know. maybe because ive put my focus this xmas on some things else. well, some ONE else, for that matter. but im not complaining. i love for us to spend this xmas together. i culdn't really imagine being with anyone else this holiday season.

happy xmas eve everyone!

Dec 20, 2005

this is the MOSAIC

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


yes. this is kL's work. this is her almigty mosaic. nice right?

these are the prices: P150--- no print(put in a cd... provide your own cd... additional payment if you dont provide cd: P10) ... with print depends on the size, but the smallest (1 coupon bond paper) P200--- print (black and white)... P230--print(colored)

send me a shout out and send me the pics through email.. kL: krazyinnarnia@yahoo.com me: mulphctiw@yahoo.com

take care. kL! ung sinasabi ko sayo ha?! love you!!

Dec 6, 2005

yadsuet

ok so my page could not be displayed by this obsolete computer. i know, i know, i just gave this newly-installed pcs praises last week but im craving for the old pcs back. why would they not open my page? how am i supposed to know if this post im creating will actually appear on my "lost" page? grr.

by the way, ive opened an account at atenista.net...inunahan ko na ang matt sa matalarana hehehehe...also, ive visited kL's page yesterday and i have high praises for it! nice i swear..oh and another thing, she's doing "mosaics" for a cheap price...i don't know anything about that mosaic thingie...but since she asked me to tell people about it, o decided posting it in my blog...as if people read this no?

but seriously, kL!! ano ba ung mosaic?ung libro sa english ng ue na ngaun eh kumakalat na sa ibang university within u-belt na napakamahal para sa presyo niya na kung tutuusin eh puro review nga lang naman talaga?? sigh.

Dec 1, 2005

theatric calls of the insane

***
nang nangako kang
sungkitin ang mga tala
at ibigay sa mahal mo,
hindi mo naman sinabing
para sa akin ang mga ito.
basta mo lang inabot,
walang sabi sabi,
tumalikod at nanahimik sa tabi.
malay ko ba namang
nagluluksa ka pala
sa nauna mong pag-ibig
na ako ang sumira.
di ko naman sadya
na yakapin ka
at akalaing para sa akin
talaga
ang mga talang hinukay
ng nagsusugat mong mga kamay.


***
sinulatan mo ang papel
na tinabi ko mula pa
nung bata ako.
yun na nga lang ang natira
sa mga alaalang
ako n lang ang nakaalala
at nakapagtago.


***
watch the dancer's silhouttes
glide and sway and slide

to the music of the arizona
where you hear the chirps
and squishes of little feet
and after which
the growl of the satisfied beast.

hear the conductor's wand
swish and splash and swash

to create a harmony of the hues
with the whites and oranges and reds
and the greens of the sky
and blues of the earth.

taste the bittersweetness
of the operatic voices

to feel the fairlessness
with the magic touch
of the soothingly smooth
sleekness.


***

new pcs

hah! ue has just got their computers in the internet rooms upgraded...and i am having the time of my life surfing the net. they've already got all the windows in xp mode, plus..their cpu's nice and sleek, too. it's really thin..like about 5 inches thin. ill try to get the model, wait. acer veriton 3700GX.. i don't know if that's the right name but that's what's written on it's side panels chenelou.

so there. i was just browsing through my list of friends in friendster and i realized i've completely forgotten some of them. bad bad. also, ive completely forgotten people really do celebrate their birthdays.. the reason i had to send dozens of HAMBERDAY testimonials..to make up for my amnesia.. :)

so there..ive still got 3 hours left before my class..bummer. i just wish these new pcs can be downloaded with yahoo messenger. mas mabuti pa ata ung bulok nilang pc pwede dun eh.

Nov 30, 2005

cheats

yes i know i am a cheater. hehe..i asked sasa to send me her complete encoded exercise then i just edited it. nice. i just got spared from having to encode like 7 pages full of stuff about sicknesses that does not interest me at all. hehe. cheat.

anyway, i have to log out now. the session's almost finished, we're allowed to go and i still have to meet matt at 7-11. ciao.

Nov 29, 2005

in place of -

"[t]he Greek prefix 'anti' does not merely designate opposition, but it can also mean 'in place of.'" -Claud Pavur

anti-hatred
anti-sickness
anti-drowsiness
anti-sweetness
anti-lollipops
anti-jealousy
anti-cramps
anti-teams
anti-creams
anti-dreams
anti-sleep
anti-bleeeeep
anti-sheep
anti-writing
anti-reading
anti-swimming
anti-flying
anti-walking
anti-talking
anti-dancing
anti-singing
anti-acting
anti-living
anti-breathing
anti-air
anti-fair
anti-lair


anti-me


wala lang.

i love.

jusko..bkt b npkadaming ato sa mundo na wala ng magawang matino?gaya ko..hehe.

anyways...anubayan...dpat meron akong post eh...xo nklimutan ko mga ssbhn ko...tinatamad na xe ako..wla pa akong mgwa...pano, pumasok ako ng maaga para bumile ng libro tpos ngaun...aun...was na ako magawa...oops! hehe..kakahiya...bigla ako naubo...bwst na ubo toh...di na lang nawala..at aun..nahawaan ko pa si matt ko..ahihi...xe nmn ehh...xe...hehe..


i love hanging out
under the rain to dry.
i love shouting out loud
together with the
deafening roar of the sky.
i love traipsing along
the speeding cars at night
and
i love having someone to love.

yes i love having you to love
i love having us to love.
i love having nothing else to love
coz i love having you to love.

i love tinkering with the bathtub pipes
when someone's taking a bubble bath
i love making the birds fly
away from the sunset-y path.
i love writing on black paper
with my dark ink
and
i love making love to love.


sigh.

Nov 18, 2005

dahil sa kiamoy ni chikit

naranasan mo na ba ang makatikim ng pagkain sa pag-aakalang ito ay matamis pagkatapos ay masuka-suka ka ng mapagtantong ito'y lasang di mabigyan ng karampatang depinisyon sa kadahilanang naluwa mo na agad bago pa man tumagal ito sa iyong bibig? naranasan mo na ba ang maghanap ng bagay na sadya namang malaki ngunit kahit maliwanag na e di mo mahanap-hanap lalo pa kapag kailangang-kailangan mo na? naranasan mo na ba ang makanood ng isang palabas sa sine na maganda naman ang effects pero nakakatulog ka sapagkat di mo naman maintindihan ang lengguwaheng gamit ng mga artista dahil hindi man lamang napagtanto ng mga nagpalabas nito dito na magka-iba ang wika natin sa kanila? naranasan mo na ba ang tumitig ng matagal sa kawalan at magulat ng malamang sa iyong pagkagising ay nasa matigas na kama ka na sa loob ng isang silid na puting-puti ang mga pintura ng dingding at may mga taong nakapaligid sa'yo na mga kapwa roomates mo? naranasan mo na ba ang mag-isip ng mag-isip na kunwari alam ang sagot sa isang mabigat na katanungan at nanakit ang mga binti sa matagal na pagkakatayo sa harap ng buo mong klase na nagpapasalamat sa iyo at pinapatagal mo ang oras ng inyong guro? naranasan mo na ba ang mag-stretching sa umaga at matuwa ng pumitik-pitik ang mga buto sa pag-aakalang mawawala na ang sakit sa likod mo pero nabalian ka pala at nadiretso sa ospital? naranasan mo na ba ang magbulag-bulagan sa loob ng sinsakyang dyip at tigilan ng walang pumapansin at tumutulong dahil nga naman ikaw ay nakasalamin na may grado at wala nga namang taong bulag na mangangailangan pa ng salaming may grado para tulungang makakita ang mga mata nilang wala naman talaga dapat nakikita? naranasan mo na ba ang sa tinding gutom tumanggap ng pagkain na akala mo ay pwedeng makain ngunit sa sobrang katigasan ay nabasag lamang ang iyong mga ngipin at dahil dito ay hindi ka na makakain pang muli ng maayos hangga't hindi pa natatapos ng dentista ang ipinagawa mong pustiso sa kanya?

e naranasan mo na ba ang mawalan ng ginagawa dahil sa dapat magpapa-print ka pero sira ang printer ng eskwelahan kaya napilitan ka na lang mag-internet tutal libre naman at nakagawa ka ng maraming katanungang nagmula sa isang kiamoy na nakain mo nung isang araw na hindi mo nagustuhan at sa mga bagay na bumabagabal sa iyo na hindi pa nasasagot dahil alam mo naman ay hinding-hindi sasagutin ng sinuman, anuman, kelanman?

Oct 21, 2005

i stand still among the herd

fighting for what one believes in is not at all any reason for such hysterical fits of laughter. if it was, i would have died aeons ago due to excessive laughing at those hypocrite monkeys dancing with glee after the death of the impeachment case filed earlier this year. im finally breaking my silence about these rallies being held against the GMA government. like what conrado de quiros said in his article yesterday, what we filipinos have are two relative evils to choose from. one is living still under the hands of a puppet and the other is the uncertainty that lies ahead if and when the pupet's strings at\re cut - will she be replaced by a person who can uplift the dignity of all filipinos or another puppet willing to tie his master's strings around himself? what the philippines need is a leader aimed at helping the country not by suggesting drastic measures to provide security (CPR) or to lessen the country's debt (EVAT). a lot may argue that these are all for the future; we should think of the long-term effects. okay. i see their point in that but the cost of these are different deaths of innocent individuals who are helplessly crying for help from the God-like grip of a fascist government who are merely supplying them with needs that can last for only a day! and you tell me they are for the long-term benefits and effects? really now.

when she provided housing for the homeless, she took away their main source of income. ok so she gave them jobs after realizing this. yet what jobs were they? tens to hundreds of kilometers away from their houses, they receive an equally small income and when they get home, their is nothing left in their sweldo.

when she increased their sweldo, they had no idea they were up for evacuation in a year or so. she promised an amount for salary that could last them for how many months but that was it!

think twice about who you are to stand for. think twice about laughing at other people raising their left arms during mass rallies and protests. because unlike you, we think twice before we let any of your kind rule over us. unlike you, we think twice before we go out and let our cries be heard.

unlike you, we think twice before wasting our laughs on mere detractors.

Oct 18, 2005

next time

ate hanna tagged me into makng a list of the top ten things that make me most happy....and i am so wishng to fill this post with just that....

but i can't.

why do people just go? why do they just leave without you having a hint that they actually were plannng to leave you? wat...maybe they weren't really planning to leave you....but why did they leave? why did you leave?

was i late? was i really that late? how did it become my fault all of a sudden?

hearing the other side of a person's story - this is what all people should do. no matter how hurtful the situation is. id rather have it someone leaves me with angry accusations and hurtful eclamations than receive the cold shoulder.

next time.

Aug 31, 2005

Your Hidden Talent
You are both very knowledgeable and creative.
You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential.
Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them.
As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there.

You Are a Strawberry Daiquiri

You're a fun, playful drinker who loves to party.
You may get totally wasted, but you're always a happy drunk!
What Mixed Drink Are You?

mahal, strawberry...ur fave. *wink*








Your Birthdate: September 30

Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual self-expression is necessary for your happiness.

You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and understandable.

You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill with words.



You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good actor or a natural mimic.

You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story-teller.

Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think you are on the right side of an issue.



There may be a tendency to scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work.

You may have significant artistic talent and be very creative.



What Does Your Birth Date Mean?


just got this from te hannah's blog. cute.

Aug 30, 2005

yadsuet

wouldn't it be nice if we were lying
and there wasn't anyone around
(sung to the tune of wouldn't it be nice by drew b.)

haha!!!!! another one of those days we spend crumpling our already crumpled uniforms and thinking of absolutely absurd stuff that just makes us laugh out real loud (sa lrt pa partida...kahiya no?)...anyways...he just surprised me for like thrice today...first with the letter then with the lollipop then with the box of samba, fruitella and (of course!!) lollipop...i just could not help but smile and float my way up our MA101 classroom...that was the fifth floor, mind you guys...and i did not complain a bit..it was pure bliss.

...wait. not really.

***

don't you just hate it when everything seems so okay at the beginning but then just comes out worse in the end no matter how hard you try to control it? that is just what always happens at home.wait let me rephrase that: that is just what always happen at our house. i mean, i swear no matter what good thing comes our way, or her way, everything just ends sourly in the end.

it's overly frustrating and just downright tiring.

***

so thankful you're here
grateful for the love you give
appreciative of your mere presence.






this was part of the surprise letter he gave me earlier:

LOVE SONG <311>
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

*However far away, I will always love you
However long i stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

-matt23

Aug 28, 2005

yadnus

don't know why i didn't come
-norah jones

yes. i got that song as a background music. sigh.

i feel as empty as a drum
don't know why i didn't come

insensitivity ticks me off. i know i should learn to be more patient. i know i should learn to be more understanding. but can anybody tell me how? i mean, it's so frustrating having to explain every damn thing! i mean, can't you be a bit more sensitive? it's hard pretending evrything's okay. it's hard wearing again this suffocating mask of smiley faces when i thought i could finally...at long last...get rid of it and just stuff it away in some trash bin full of garbage that sooner or later the garbage man's gonna come for it.

your casual goodbyes
by the chill in your embrace
the expression on your face that's shown me
baby you might have
some advice to give on how to be
insensitive

***

staring blankly into space. drowning in a sea of faces. i want to be a swan that's full with grace. i want to own a dress full of lace. kim possible. pasta edible. ube crinkles. rainbow sprinkles. world on fire. cross a wire. change post. party host. birthday cake. beautiful snowflakes. terrible speakers. great singers. pitter-patter. shiver-shatter. raindrops gumdrops. dewberries frootees.



there will be no white flag above my head
i'm in love and always will be.

Aug 23, 2005

august 23 2005

i miss you. i long for the warmth that overwhelms me everytime you're near. i yearn for the feel of your arms wrapped around me, holding me tight, taking away all my fright.

i want you. i see you in evry person i meet. i hear your voice in every song that's sung. i feel your presence wherever i may be.

i need you. i am addicted to the highs and lows of living the rest of my life with you. i am filled with strength knowing i have your hand to hold. i have become a better person with you.

i love you.

"...spending my days with you is like living in a world of fancy...making love in a world with vivid colors...how often have i been there? but it really doesn't matter...as long as we're together."
Just Like A Splendid Love Song
-Orange and Lemons



we are officially together.
matalarana

Aug 21, 2005

stars do love to arrange things

in contrast to previous posts....yay! bati na kame... :)

"xempre. hindi pwedeng mgtgal ung mga ganun" -him...after reading what ive typed..he at my back...wait...i actually am sitting on top of him... *grin grin grin*...tsk tsk... "what a fox" -his favorite line when i do stuff that arouses him..hahaha...juuuust kidding...

anyways...i just am so thankful that he's not mad at me and we're still here...2 days shy of our aug.23...hahaha...angkinin ko n ung date n un ha?? hehehe...

i love you so much...i am sorry for stuff ive done...and i am thankful you're still here with me...i love you.

oh i remembered! we just attended mass and during the communion rites, as we were walking down the center aisle, we thought of our wedding day...i just got so excited imagining how that would look like...coz i already know how i would feel - already drenched in tears just seeing him at the end of my walk, waiting for me...

sigh...*hugs him tight*

Aug 17, 2005

balabal

ang lamig ngayon
nakakapaso...
naiwan ko yung balabal ko.
iniwan ko yung balabal ko...
sana mahanap ko pa
sana walang kumuhang iba...
sana...
malaman niyang
kailangan ko siya...
ang dami ng sugat
kasi
dumidikit sa balat ko
yung apoy ng ulan.
tulungan niyo ko...
kailangan ko siya...
dapat kong kasama.
dapat kong yakap.

...

walking out is like the worst thing ever. especially when those things you've walked out on are the most special things life could ever give and that those are the things that never deserve any walking out from.

i hate myself. ha, so blatant. but how cani actually even try to conceal what i feel? sigh. i feel so bad.

it was my fault, i know. i did something wrong and after that, i got mad at you for getting mad at me for doing something wrong. i am so sorry. i really am. the problem is i don't know how i can say those words out loud now...when the person has gone.

i want to cry but i can't. oh what the heck, the tears are about to fall anyways.

please...i am so sorry...i never meant for things to turn out this way...i never meant to hurt anyone...especially you...i am sorry...i love you so much i hate myself for hurting you...sorry...

Aug 10, 2005

yadsendew

i am at gowee...hehe..ang aga ko noh?...i just had to get out of the house right after my dad...para naman kahet papano mabawasan ung time n nkkta ko ung nanay ko...

ok...i sounded like a really bad girl...but...basta...stuff around the house...it's just so complicated...and it's not that i don't want to talk about it but it's just that there are lots of other stuff to actually ponder on...lots of other stuff to do...to think about...

anyways...at least i can smile now...ive received an email..wait no..a message from a friend of mine in the states...i just feel glad about small stuff like that...it makes me happy when i hear (or read) about other people's life...knowing i am not alone in this world...

***

i was thumbing through my old journals earlier and i figured...wait wait..this pc is starting to fluctuate...id better sign off now before i lose any posts...il just continue this thing later...

Aug 4, 2005

damn that long-haired girl

pvt i officially sucks...nice. the attendants were not so attendant and the computer was pretty lousy...grrr...tito juuuuuuuunnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways aun...nanggigigil ako sa majal ko...ahihi...love you po...hai hai.

i really have no idea how to thank the entirety of heaven for having matt.i am so the luckiest person alive. (well maybe except for him...*wink*)

omg!!! he's like the most handsome guy there is. i just love it when he looks at me like...like that!!!! aaarghh...omg!! it's this close to my being described as a hungover lovesick puppy. (wow...from a greeting card to a puppy...have you ever seen such transition?)

so there...aaaah!!!! especially for you! especially for you!... (though i liked the original version of the song...juris' will suffice)

i was about to get back into a bloodthirsty lifesucking creature from down under but thanks to the recover post feature of blogger i was able to get back to my sane self.

anyways...before this obsolete computer decides to shut down again (for the nth time actually), id better wrap this post up...

oh-kay...so i reread the post and i sounded like a schizophrenic maniac...one moment i fell this a moment later i fell that...haha...schizo...yep...i am.



Aug 3, 2005

as was promised

ainaku...meron na akong nigagawa kgbe na post tpos s gitna ng isang napakahabang litanya ukol sa paboritong topic nmen ni ate dilaw eh nag-hang ang computer ng gowee...bad noh?

anyways...as i was saying (like 5 hours ago...wait, no, 14 hours...), it dawned on me that my posts has gone from "sighs...i feel tired...i am so down..." to "haha..ahihi...smoiles...matt this...matt that..." it is so refreshing...it's like i always turn into a big glob of jelly whenever im with him. i mean...you know what i mean?

this just must be love...how can i possibly explain why i suddenly turned into a mushy Hallmark greeting card, when, for the longest time, i would have bet everything i own, everything i have to prove that there is no such thing as a non-platonic unconditional love between two persons (of the opposite sex or not) unrelated?

add to that...i seriously am almost always in the mood to cuddle...and not just anyone, mind you...loving just comes so easy for me now...haha...i am so in love...damn everything and everyone else who dare scrutinize "i"...loving is just pure bliss when it's a matt sandro jacob aquino you love. it is.

"Love is love's own reward."

Aug 1, 2005

can't hardly wait

-in a state of giddiness....*wicked grins*-tama bang mag-plaigarise ng title ng pelikulang teeny-bopper?

i feel as if im six again and i can't wait for another scoop of cookies and cream ice cream. haha. i have this really wicked plan of having my hair permed...well...permed AND coloured AND cut. i am just so excited. it's loike a boitday gift for moiself.

hehe...my boitday's a month...well 2 months...it's at the end of september!...from now...and i can't wait...i can't wait to surprise him with it! i can't wait to surprise myself with it! :)

btw, sorry for a seriously delayed update...haha...that was just redundant...hehe. anyways, matt and i have been going out for quite some time now...aargh...i wish it was another tuesday...tuesdays with matt...hmm...matt-ie tuesdays...hmm...soo bad... *grins wickedly*

sigh...i guess that's it for today...hope im able to "blog" some more before the actual ritual of my perming my hair... :)

-can't wait

Jun 21, 2005

082305

bawat tao ay may karapatang magmahal ... magmahal ng higit sa sapat.

sabayan mo ko
sa pagindak
pagindak sa musikang
nangungulit,
musikang nangaakit .
samahan mo ko
tungo sa lugar
papalayo sa mundo
papalayo
sa mapanghusgang
mata
ng lipunan
na
nangaalipin
sa mga taong naniniwala pa
na posible
ang pamumukadkad
ng mga mumunting langgam
na naghihikahos na
sa kadenang bakal
na nakapalupot sa kanila,
kadenang bakal
na lagi ay kanilang dala.
humawak ka sakin,
at pagtatawanan din natin
ang kanilang paglagpak,
ang pagkasira ng kanilang mga pakpak.



hmhm hm hmhm hmhm.

Jun 8, 2005

i am so tired from laughing (from De Los Santos Hospital up to Anonas Complex in Proj.2)

finally...something new...hehe...here are a few updates:

*i've left UPB!harhar...much to the dismay of my two bestfriends...and of april na din...i think...

*i am about to take the UE CET...harhar...i just ran out of schools...and hopefully tanggapin nila me...

*BIGGEST UPDATE*
matt and i...well...we're not together together but we're together...duh...basta...hindi kami pero akin sya...saya noh?hahaha

anyways...ive a lot more to say pero im tired na...



NGA PALA!!!

napagtanto ko lang..c TAGPI ay si SPOT sa mga learn how to read books ng mga bata

at ang ulan ay galing sa mga clouds na pinipiga. *bow*

hehe... :)





LOVE YOU SO MYCH BADING :)

May 22, 2005

go out.

If homosexuality is a disease, let's call in queer to work. "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." -Robin Tyler

tuldukan na ang walang humpay na pagdikta sa sekswalidad ng bawat isa.

May 17, 2005

yay!!!!

yay!!!!my kid won first place in the declamation contest chenelou held at the abs-cbn room just a while ago....heheheh...i am so overwhelmed with ...i have no idea what it is that overwhelms me but nonetheless :D *smoiles*

CONGRATS DANICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May 15, 2005

nagchachat kami ni lor isang hapong maaliwalas (mayo 9, 2005, 4:19pm) ng bglang nagkatuwaan kaming magpoetry mode...

ANG TADHANA AT SIYA
(di nman kami maxdo mahilig maglgay ng pamagat ni lor pero feeling ko gusto ko ngaun!!!! ahahaha!)
ang kariktan ng karimlan

ay nasa kawalan nito ng kaliwanagan
kukulangin ang mga talinhaga
kung iisa-isahin pa
nito na angkinin ang
bawat hiwaga
na nakahimlay sa sulok
ng
duyan niya.
ihinehele at inaalagan.
pinapayabong na parang sarili niya.
nagnanais na tila isa pang bata
sa pag-ibig na nakalaan na sa iba
minsan tulo'y naisip nya
ibaon na lang sa limot
o minsa'y balikan pa.
ngunit ang lobong sakim
ay sadyang di niya mabaka.
niyurakan lang at minsan pa'y pinahina
siya.
ginusto mang labanan
di rin nakayanan
nagpatuloy tuloy na lamang
sa karimlan
na kanyang pinagmulan.
di na muling bumalik.
sa pagiisa at kalungkutan
siya'y nanahan,
at nawala nang tuluyan.

yan ang tula namin ni bes beans ko...yay! hehehehe...ang aming tula...*bow*

at long last

at long last i was able to open my blogger account....bwahahahahahar...okay. there. anyways, here are some updates:

*i am tutoring Literature to incoming grade six students of different public schools and hopefully would-be scholars of ateneo, st.scho and miriam.

*i am also tutoring declamation to three incoming first year students. the piece? I Demand Death. it's about a slave who killed his master and demands death for what he did... tibak na tibak. :D

*i already have the book...the one i lost??..hehehe...but i've no idea when we're going to baguio...sigh.

*i am currently addicted to watching memories of bali...hahahahahahaha!!!!

* oh! and bestfriends, too!!

*....i'm tired.

so there. i'm tired and i don't know why but i just got tired all of a sudden...i know, i know....i'm weird. *smiles*

Apr 12, 2005

ILUSYON

sa bawat mong pag-indak

sa musikang mahalimuyak,
naglalandi ang bawat mong galaw
na siyang nagsindi sa init ng aking balintataw.

mga panahong limot na at bura na sa alaala,
nagbabalik na tila pa multo ng tadhana.

sa pagbalot ngayon ng lamig ng lumuluhang langit,
naghihintay na lamang ako sa pamamaalam
na iyong binanggit -
kasawiang huli sa pagdating,
kalayaang kapos ng mga dingding.

~

it's already 3.31 am in the morning and i am having fun searching downelink. thanks a lot el.

Apr 8, 2005

htaed

blood red roses
i'll give you
just
take me away
to that place which souls call home

take me away
take me

wherever
let's go...

Apr 7, 2005

CEGP SLAMS ARROYO FOR INDIFFERENCE TOWARDS JOURNALISTS KILLINGS

The College Editors Guild of the Philippines strongly condemns the blatant disregard of the Macapagal Arroyo regime towards the lives and welfare of mainstream journalists, which resulted into the third journalist murder of the year, Tacurong City journalist Marlene Garcia Esperat.

The incapability of the Arroyo regime to protect mainstream journalists, whose lives are constantly under threat because of the powerful people and interests they clash with as they do their job, has resulted into a regime of silent terror masquerading as peace and order. Media serves as a refuge of the people when the state, due to corruption, has failed to serve their interests. Yet, people in the mainstream are prevented from doing their duties under the threat of repression, and even death. As journalists fear for their lives, press freedom is rendered as a right written on paper, but never enjoyed.

Twenty journalists have been slain in 2002 and 2003, and if we follow the trend this year, more or less there will be more than 10 journalists slain by the end of the year. Unless this is stopped and the perpetrators, regardless of their position in society, are brought to justice, President Arroyo will confirm what her so- called terrorists have been saying all along: government policy is anti-people.

We, along with our colleagues in the mainstream press, demand President Arroyo to resolve these threats towards press freedom. Justice, not just for Esparat, but also for the families of increasing number of journalists murdered within the Arroyo regime is imperative. The killing of journalists must stop, and their lives given the value they properly deserve. Unless all of these conditions are fulfilled, President Arroyo risks not just the ire of both the mainstream and the campus press, but also the people the press serves.

Jose Cosido
National President

COLLEGE EDITORS GUILD OF THE PHILIPPINES
National Office
812-A Basilio St., Sampaloc
Manila, Philippines
Telefax: (632) 493 0082
Email: cegpnational@yahoo.com
Members e-group: guilders2001@yahoogroups.com

Apr 3, 2005

a serious case of nostalgia

i still long for your...

eyes that reveal so little yet so much at the same time

smile that make me think of things yet untold but is persistently shown

kiss that brought me syrupy bliss

...

you were the only girl ive loved more than my life.




-dma55590

yadno...w8...it's yadsuet n pla...

i am currently chatting with my bestfriend beans, whom i haven't spend that much time with. but i guess we (her, me and rons) pretty much made up for it if you consider those two whole days we spent together when i visited them last week. ah i really miss them.



oo nga pla, im using matt's net card...thanks 'tol bawi me nx tym... :)



anyways, i wrote this poem after i read ung song ng phantom of the opera na all i ask of you...w8 post ko lang...



please tell me that you need me
each morning and each night
and forever yours i'll be,
we'd experience no more darkness,
only light.
please tell me that you love me,
that's all i ask of you
say you will take care of me,
you'll take away my blue.
i need you here beside me
you know that i do.
let's share one lifetime,
one love that's true.



~

i can't stop thinking about elyon and our missed chances. sigh. maybe ill write about it...maybe i won't. pero...if ever anyone's reading this...i just have to tell you man, i miss her like damn crazy.

Apr 1, 2005

part of the unseen

the streets are crowded with all the dust
so pass me the knife, if you must.
i'll give you roses the color of blood
and carve you upside-down rainbowsafter the flood.
we'll shoot the stars and reign them in,
stare at them until the madness begins.

dreams galore

i hate it when i dream. wait, let me rephrase that....what i mean is, i hate it when i wake up from a dream. because the moment i open my eyes, the dream is gone. poof! just like that. i mean, hey, i wanna know what i've dreamt about, right? grr...take today, for example. i had a really looong dream. (i knew this because i just know okay?) 


anyways, so there, i was having this dream and then my dad woke me up and kablam! it's liek my dreams are on a bubble and once i gain my conscious self, the bubble's pricked and i lose whatever it is my subconscious mind is trying to tell me. sigh.



it doesn't mean that because i want to know what my dreams are, i'm this totally superstitious girl who'd rather interpret her dreams than go on and live reality.



but who defines 'reality' anyway? who says reality is made up of all things concrete? 'shit-boring nonchalant life,' more like.

yadirf

i am so bummed...i got nothing to do...absolutely nothing...grrr.



anyways, enxa kung ang tgal ko mkpgpost...ngloloko xe ung pc nmen kya eto pmnta p ako ng gowee pra lang mkpgnet...anyways, aun...tpos na ang easter pro... happy easter pdn! hehehe...nga pla, was na kme ni meme ko at my ppkilala daw cna dana at ate annah ko...ewan...pro anyways...aun...hai hai la na ako mgwa...w8 lang...pristontale lng muna ko sndle ha?? :D



ai w8 nga pla, hi sa bez kong si eiler...hayup kah!nkkgulat at bgla kng npadpad s bhay nmen kgbe...hehe...pro slamt bez...ahmishoo! ahlabshoo! muah muaH!

Mar 23, 2005

a week of abstaining...heck 'tis the Lent anyways

i am tired. i slept at around 4 to 4.30 am this morning (owing to the insufferable need to stare mercilessly at the computer screen while it hypnotized me into a series of continuous clickity-click of my hands over the keyboard) and woke up, wait...i was shaken out of my couple of zzz's at what time? oh, 7.45 am. ack!



it's already 2.11 pm and actually, if i really want, i can go ahead and sleep now but my instincts are forcing me to do so otherwise. and since i am not able to make use of the computer in our room, because it has been stripped off of a roof - literally (my dad's fixing the whole roofing of our house, chenelou) - i have to make do with this obsolete laptop my tito gave me at the time wherein windows 95 was the latest and windows xp was still a dream...and maybe a couple of microchips away. sigh. **btw, this doesn't have an internet connection so i might be posting this entry a little later than 2 pm.



okay, today is wednesday. and on wednesdays, what i enjoy doing the most (except for watching will&grace reruns on etc and lilo& stitch the series on disney) is reading the 2bU! section of the Philippine Daily Inquirer - the newspaper on the table for every morning of everyday of every week of every month of every year of my existence. i am not really an avid fan of reading everyday news. heck, id read calvin and hobbes over any newspaper anytime! but wait...actually, i have been trying to read the news nowadays. ever since i joined my organizations at upbaguio, (TABAK-ACS...miss ko na kau!) i decided i needed to learn more about our country...our filipino people...and the way things work with regards to the government-media-masa cycle.



oh crap, save my raves about the Tanghalang Bayan ng mga Kabataan sa Baguio - Aliance of Concerned Students org for next time. (hehe...full name hehe...waah gusto ko nnmn umakyat sa baguio! hehe bute nakaabot ako nung election ng mga officers..hi kuya h! hehe...ate vh! hehehe...amf miss ko na baguio! mga bes ko!!!)

anyways, as i was saying earlier, i read 2bU!'s Holy Week edition and their title was 'Abstain and Inspire.' i read on and found out that their paper for today consisted of the different 2bU! correspondents giving up those things that they love doing or using (or eating, as one excruciatingly tried to avoid Hersheys, Ferreros, Milanos & Reese's). while i was reading their articles, i was on the phone with my sis-slash-nanay-slash-partner.in.crime-ate annah. i told her about the articles and she asked me something in the lines of 'ano ba ang sabi about abstinence sa Bible?'. and it occurred to me that hey, i had no idea what the Lent season is all about na. i mean yah, i used to know it since i came from a catholic girl's school. but i guess the info just drained away together with my acads-mode brain while i was washing my hard drinks shots with beer. sigh. naturingan pang katoliko. *shies away*





nah just kidding. but i have to admit there's a lot of stuff that doesn't make any sense to me anymore. i guess i just have to have another brush with my CLE.



well so there, back to my ranting and raving. kudos to those who fulfilled their challenging tasks (4 out of 13, not bad...not bad at all.) btw, here are the titles of the articles and their writers, which i guess gives you the idea of what they're trying to abstain from.



While my guitar gently sleeps - Christian B. Bautista
How to shake a dirty mouth in 10 days - Angela V. Ignacio
Choco-holics anonymous - Francine Palines
Over and out - Saleema Devi Refran (Cable TV abstinence)
Textus un-interruptus - Arlene M. Paredes
Blogs, begone! - Marla Cabanban
Out of sight, out of mind - Javier Mata
Seeing more without a mirror - Bianca Consunji
Confessions of a flip-flop fanatic - Pam Pastor
A toast to alcoholic abstinence - Cheryl Tiu
Diet from words - Catherine Young
No-judgment days - NiƱo Mark Sablan
Whine no more, my sweet - Marla Miniano



i was unsure whether 2 out of the 13 challenges fulfilled their tasks. but the rest was history. more than half the tasks were left unfinished. but they did not fail. yes, ladies and gents out there, they did not. for trying your best whatever the outcome be already certifies you as a winner.



and for those out there trying to do tasks such as this, dismissing them for easy and no-sweat challenges...well, you have been warned. not everything is what it seems *starts 'you may think this is an apple but no, this is an orange' hypnotizing tactics* (okay okay cringe at my pathetic attempt at being funny). fulfilling these would take a lot of courage and discipline and self-determination. just watch out you guys.



~

sigh.

isang libo't isang daan

isang libo't isang daang pulang rosas
na
nagkalat sa tabi mo,
isang libo't isang daang ngiti
na hindi na
masisilayan pang muli.
isang libo't isang daang salita
para sa
kariktan ng karimlang ito,
isang libo't isang daang rosas na puti
ang
sasalubong sa
iyong pag-uwi.



**para sa bawat isa na hindi na muli pang masisilayan ang isang libo't isang daang patak ng luha na patuloy-tuloy angpagtulo mula sa mga mata na naulila ng paglamon ng higanteng mga alon sa humigit-kumulang labin-isang bansa sa Asya.

tula

mga puta.



sa ilalim
ng nagtitingkarang bituin


nakikisaliw sa himig
ng awitin ng mundo.


isang patlang


sa
unang tingin


nagkukubli na kasama


ang maskarang
mukha mo.



**para sa mga kababaihang biktima ng mapnghusgang mga mata.

i have no idea what time it is pro im not sleepy. which is weird. i haven't slept all day.

btw, i got my tooth extracted earlier today...i mean, yesterday n pla...gawd what time is it naba???

anyways ive been chatting with mama gen and matt for how many hrs na...4 ata and mam gen just left so its only matt and i now...we're exchanging pix and stuff....hey man, 5-4 ang score s pool! hehe...we've been playing pool xe, ung game s ym...hai hai...if actually not for him i would have just slept nlng...pro i guess im a sucker for having somebody around. you know, my being a scaredy-cat at night. sigh.

aah...my brain's running low on its fuel. i have to gas up but i don't wanna make another cup. besides, i think i already emptied the thermos. oh well, there's still that one stick to look forward to. good thing i had it in me to reserve one stick. hehe. trust me when it comes to yosi. with regards to other stuff? ah...you handle them!

hai...im so down lately. and it's f*cking sad that i haven't written any poem for like how many days already?...w8 has it been a week? ahh! i have no idea! grr. you know what, no matter how my poems lacked real depth, i still cling on to them as if theyr'e life-preservers. well, actually they are, for me. i mean, only i could fully understand what these poems meant and when i look back and read them, i feel a teensy wave of nostalgia hit me and kablam! i am sent into the past. hey, wait. if my poems can trigger these stuff in me, maybe there's still hope i can convey the feelings in them better!...hmm...wishful thinking.

okai...matt is now offline. so now im left. well, with a lot of bloggs to visit and a lot of thoughts to put into writing. well, maybe i should turn in for the night. ciao pips. night! i mean, morning... :)

Mar 22, 2005

sudden addiction to dragons

i was a serious fan of HP way way back. well, i mean, don't get me wrong, i still am in love with that half-Muggle, half-wizard doer of all goods and archnemesis of you-know-who. it's just that i wasn't so absorbed in it like i was before. anyways, as i was going through some of the clutter i brought home from baguio, i came upon this printed copy of "Drakonidae by Rhyssen." it was one of the very first fanfics i've truly enjoyed and it was because of that that iw as able to write my very own fanfiction entitled "Iris." anyways, i've decided to post the poem from Drakonidae. and here it is, enjoy!



drakonidae
-eric hansen



have you ever looked in
the eyes of a dragon
seen their heart,
and known their soul?

have you ever seen
the stairsteps to heaven
that within them reside,
and show their bright role?

do you know their songs,
their ancient harmonies
do you know their past,
and their wisdom hold?

can you hold the world
in the palm of your hand
and with storm-worn wings,
curl and enfold,to heal the world,
to show the way,
and be a banner unfurled
to the light of day?

this is the dragon,
a creature of light,

no, they are not gone,
just taken to flight.



~

i was once so scared of dragons, i mean, everytime, they were used to depict evil scary monsters, fire-breathing killers who destroys everything that gets in their way. but after a few years of arts and literature, a few months of psych and philo...and one poem from Rhyssen, dragons are so much more than what we give them credit for.

Mar 21, 2005

settling

"is it only skin i touch
when i reach for you?

oh, the leaves they fall,
they go so far sometimes.
do i blame the wind
or the tree for letting you go,
or do i wave goodbye,settling?"



you know what, ai is right. my poems are so lonely. and to be frank, when i read them, i can't seem to feel any emotion flowing from them, just like what i expected them to possess. it's like, they're so void of any feeling. the poems...my poems...lacked real depth. i mean, yes, most poems, when i am making them, i have in me a lot of emotions...bottled-up emotions that i try to put in words...but i guess i am not a good conveyor of feelings, emotions, stuff like that. but hey, no reason to feel any shame at all. everyone can be better, in one way or another.

yadnom

untalkative bunny. that's so raven. e-mail. junk mail. snail mail. unmade bed. aching head. dvd's. vcd's. ED's. book. nook. crook. shnook. pillow. hollow. narrow. marrow? speaker. sneaker. jeans, a pair? how to deal. sugar free. jam88.3. dust. must. rust. lust? seventeen. meg. candy. mandy? mop. tap. tube top. lights. heights. fright. dashboard. blackboard. web. lead. bed. chocolate, black. nothing more to say, aack! chips. dips. tortillas. pitas. novas. literature. picture. camera. red star-a. aria. diary of daria. sleep, no. got to go. be right back. wish me luck.

Mar 20, 2005

yadnus

andito pa rin ako, nag-aantay sa mga lumipas na panahon. hindi na ata ako muli pang makakabangon mula sa mga alaalang dinulot mo. kaya kong magpakamanhid, itago ang tunay na nararamdaman...ang sakit sa tuwing makikita kang kasama sya. oo, nasasaktan ako. alam kong hindi ito tama, alam kong hindi ito dapat pero wla akong magawa kundi ang hayaan ang sariling magpakalunod sa pag-ibig na hinding hindi na muli pang magiging akin; magpakulong sa pag-ibig na ako mismo ay nasasakal. araw-araw na lang ay bumabalik sa aking isipan ang mga kahapong lumipas na ikaw ang aking kasama, ang aking kausap, ang aking kayakap. wala na ang mga sandali pang iyon. ang sama sa loob hindi dahil lumipas na sila ngunit dahil alam kong hindi na muli pang maibabalik ang ganoon. habang tumatagal, lalong ang ikot ng aking mundo ay bumabagal. kailan ba matatahimik ang kalooban kong ito? hindi na ba matatapos ang pasakit na dulot mo? hindi na ba ako muli pang makaaahon sa pagkalunod sa sarili kong mga luha? wala na ba talagang pag-asa para sa ating dalawa?



maraming beses ko nang sinubukan. maraming beses na akong nagpakatanga. ilang ulit mo man akong ipagtabuyan, ilang ulit mo man akong hindi bigyan ng kahit katiting na pansin, eto, andito pa rin ako at umaasa. at sa pag-asang ito ako natututong magmahal; magmahal ng walang limitasyon, magmahal ng tila wala nang darating pang bukas. ngunit kahit anong pagaalay ko pa ng sarili ang gawin ko, hinding hindi mangyayaring maibalik natin ang dati at magkasamang muli. hindi. wala. wala na.



pero bakit nga ba patuloy lang ako? lahat ng mga sinasabi ko hindi ko rin ginagawa sa huli? kinakain ko din ang aking mga salita? bakit?



sawang sawa na ako sa mga litanyang ito pero di ko matakasan ang sarili ko. hindi ko magawang pakawalan ang nararamdaman kong ito. kung ito nga ang sinasabi nilang pag-ibig, oo, naramdaman ko na ang sarap at sakit; ang pagkasaya at pagkalungkot matapos lamang ang isang saglit. wala na ba akong mahahanap na iba pa? bakit ba sa tuwing tumitingin ako sa iba, laging mukha mo lamang ang aking nakikita? laging boses mo lamang ang aking naririnig? hindi ko na alam ang dapat ko pang gawin. masyado nang maraming umaasa sa panahon para maghilom ng mga sugat, ayoko nang dumagdag pa. hindi ko maaaring ipaubaya sa oras ang paggaling ng mga sugat na dulot mo. kailangan na harapin ko ito, oo, pero hindi ko alam kung paano; hindi ko alam kung makakaya ko. pero kailangan kong subukan. ang paglimot lamang ang natatanging paraan para matapos na ang lahat ng kaguluhan tungkol sa aking mga nararamdaman.



tama na. hindi ko na nakikita pa ang sarili ko sa tuwing humaharap ako sa salamin. hindi na ako ang masayahing tao na nakilala niyo noon. isa na lamang akong taong nagtatago sa mismong ako. hindi ito tama, wala nang tama sa mga kilos ko, sa mga gawa ko. at sa tingin ko hindi na rin ata tamang nabubuhay pa ako habang ang ibang tao ay naghihingalo na dahil sa mas mahirap na buhay na kanilang pinapasan. tama, ititigil ko na ang lahat ng ito. at sa pagtigil kong ito, mamamaalam na rin ako.


Mar 18, 2005

last working day of the week...

unfortunately for some (like my mom), they have to work their butts for 7 days a week. such a hassle. but hey, if the pay is good, why argue?

~

some updates:
i am addicted to pristontale. you know, that online game? aargh...but i can't get past level 8...hehe...haven't been able to get out of the house for the past couple of days. anyways, after this, i wear i won't get off of my seat until i've at least leveled-up my character. it's a priestess, by the way. i mean, she's a priestess, by the way.

i have been drinking earlier. mp let...we tried the bora mix but they didn't like it (lakas daw ng tama) so we decided to just throw it.

i haven't been much of myself lately. why? gawd i wish i had the slightest idea. but i don't. so i guess that makes me just much more weird...or weirder...or whatever.

~

sigh. oh no. i am going back to that state of being of mine wherein all i post are a couple of sighs, a couple of aarghs, and well, did i mention a couple of sighs? aigh. see that? there i go again. guess i better log-off now before i bore anyone else reading this with my non-sense posts.

anyways i still have that character to at least level up. hehe.

Mar 7, 2005

"...cradle me to you."

blog blog blog...

eto ang gawain pag walang magawa. ang mag-post ng mag-post at mangarap na sana mabasa ng taong pinaglaanan mo ng oras kakaisip ang post mo, kahit na alam mo na kahit pa anong gawin mo eh di ka na muli pang babalikan ng taong pinagaalayan mo ng mga salitang paulit-ulit mong isinusulat at sinasabi sa mga kaibigang pagod na sa kakarinig sa mga hinanakit mo.

pero teka lang, tama ba na masaktan ka? oo siguro kasi alam mong kasalanan mo na hindi ma maibabalik pa ang dati nyong relasyon bilang magkaibigan. pero kung nasasaktan ka dahil hindi siya napunta sayo, mali naman un.

unang una, hindi bagay ang isang tao para naisin mong makuha at angkinin. pangalawa, kung totoo ang sinasabi mong mahal mo sya, dapat kaya mong ibigay ang lahat sa kanya - pati ang kalayaang magmahal ng iba.

teka, mahal mo nga ba? yan, dapat malinaw sa'yo ang ibig sabihin ng pagmamahal o pag-ibig o love. minsan kasi we mistake love for that other state of being: in love. dalawang magkaibang bagay un.

love.

in love.

mas matibang ung pangalawa. bakit kamo? kasi ganito. pag love, tanging mga bagay na nais nyang ipakita na siya ang minamahal mo. pero pag in love ka, tanggap mo sya ng buong buo. lahat lahat, mga pagkakamali nya noong mga unang panahon na hindi pa kayo magkakilala at mga imperfections nya. tanggap mo ang lahat sa kanya, walang labis, walang kulang.
speaking of labis and kulang, dapat when you give out love, you should also let it come in. we think kasi we don't deserve love kaya we shut ourselves up, not knowing that there's a great love out there waiting for us. minsan kasi bigay ka lang ng bigay. tama nga namang hindi humingi ng kapalit pero naman, pag kusang binigay sayo wag ka nang umangal pa. pasalamat ka na lang at may taong nagnanais na mabigyan ng pagkakataong mahalin at arugain ka.

POTAH.

w8 nga, san ba galing tong mga pinagsasasabi kong to? eh naku, wag nga kayong makinig sa akin. baka mapariwara lang din ang buhay nyo, di lang ang buhay-eskwela kundi pati na ang buhay pag-ibig. ;p


...im looking for some "me" in another being looking for the same thing...

nagagalit ako sayo.

potah...grr...ang init ng ulo ko...nagagagalit ako ng sobra sobra sobra...potah talaga...tangina!!!!!!!!!!naiinis ako...naiiyak na ko sa galit...nkkbwisit ng sobra tangina bakit may mga taong ganon?! potah talaga...aarrrgh!!!!!!!!!! nkkinis!!! potah bwisit....tangina naiinis ako bwisit xa bwisit...tangina bakit kasi...naman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaargh!!!!!!potah tangina bwisit aaammmfff!!!!!!!!!!!!yosi nga jan!



potah





**btw, i am talking about my biological father

Mar 6, 2005

yadnus

there was nothing left to do but stare.just stare.

i couldn't come any close.
i SHOULDN"T come any close.

the warmth might just end up burning me.
my eyes are already hurt by just staring at it.
but if only i could...

just for a minute.
a second, even.

my insides are battling it out.

torned heart screams a moment's warmth
while
that gray material stuck to my head wars not to.

i have no idea where to stand.

a lone island
yes, i am.

a bottomless pit of ideas
yes, i am.

Mar 5, 2005

accidents happen.

nakakainis..bkt ganun??eh im trying my very best na nga na mklimot nd all tpos..the whole world just conspires to make me feel miserable...nakakainis...



wel at least i am sort-of happy right now...xempre, i have my meme...plus the wishful thinking...anticipation ng pagpunta ko ulit ng baguio...waah..i miss my old pals...



damn it! i can't think straight...do you think im a schizophrenic?yes, i think maybe i am a schizophrenic...don't you think?well then think! already thought about it?what can you say huh?am i or am i not? i guess i really am...no?then how the heck can you explain my laughing and then bawling the next second just earlier??!



aargh. i just have to stop. i feel...i dunno...a total mix of pain and happiness...gawd. i have got to get over whatever it is that is on my mind right now. it just isn't right.



accidentally in love. the timing was perfectly incorrect. everything just fell out of place and im stuck with just thoughts. memories, sensations, moments, sights.

yesterday thoughts

tonight, you have no idea how i try to unpack this feelings of regret i carry within me.

~

walang katumbas na sakit.

as the sky continues to cry, i curl up on my bed and as if slowly die. life has been taken out of me, i wasn't with the person i longed to be.



gulong gulo na ako.
i haven't the slightest idea what my first step is gonna be. i feel as if the whole world's turned its back on me and every step i make takes me closer to my end.



wala na kong buhay.
no matter what i do it all comes back to you. ive tried my best but to no good. i guess im stuck with you. thoughts of you, that is.

~


masakit magmahal ng taong pag-aari na ng iba. masakit isipin na iba ang kapiling nya. masakit sa alaala ang mga pinagsamahan nyong dalawa. masakit na makitang ang pangarap mong buhay na kapiling siya ay natupad sa iba.



masakit magmahal. lalo pa kung di naman ikaw ang laman ng puso niya. mahirap ang umasa kasi alam mo namang wala ka ring mapapala. ang pag-ibig na inilaan mo sa kanya ay katumbas ng pag-ibig na inilaan na niya sa iba.

masakit, sobra. hindi mo ba ito nadarama? siguro nga hinde, kasi nakikita ko namang masaya ka sa piling nya. pero ako, kahit ba minsan minahal mo? kahit ba minsan nagkaroon ng pagkakataong higit pa sa kaibigan ang tingin mo?



masakit na amining nasasaktan pa ako.

~

yesterday's girl


can we go back to the days we said we'd never say goodbye?the days we run around the fields hand in hand...the days we never really cared much about those that revolve around the two of us... US. it hurts to hear those words now. because now, there isn't any us nor we... what's left is only you and me... two different people trying to find their way back to each other... well, at least one of them is.



ive held on to this and il never give it up.

Feb 28, 2005

tired

im tired of me.



pagod na ako
sa patuloy na kakaantay
sa isang tulad mo.

pagod na ako
sa buhay na inakala kong
akin pero iba
ang nagpapatakbo.

pagod na ako
sa pagasa
sa mga pangakong binitiwan mo.

pagod na ako
sa isang tulad mo.

pagod na ako.
pagod na pagod na ako.

Feb 27, 2005

three.tatlo.tres

eto nanaman ako, walang magawa at nan3p nnmn sa blogthings...hai hai hai. eee...kilig ako, love number ko ang fave number ko...wahahaha...babaw ko noh?hehe





Your Love Number is




3




You're confident and charming, which makes you able to keep your relationships fresh.
A true perfectionist, you give your all (and then some!) to your sweetie.
Honest, funny, and kind... you are the ideal lover for many.
Just don't let your jealousy get the best of you!


Feb 26, 2005

pathetic

one smile
and everything seemed so right
one touch
and the sun seemed so bright
one kiss
and i felt bliss
one love
and there's nothing more
i need



ive never felt this way before
it's like someone switched on the light
and somebody opened the door.



it felt so good
i feel so right
it's just the way i wanted
it's the home ive always needed.



the stars shone on us
on that lovely evening
the moon smiled
and gave us it's blessing
the sky wept tears of gladness
there were no trace of sadness.



ive never felt this way before
it's like someone switched on the light
and somebody opened the door.



it felt so good
i feel so right
it's just the way i wanted
it's the home ive always needed.



you make me feel
home
baby
this is it
this is home



yes i know. totally pathetic attempt at creating rhymes. hehe. just bear with me.