Dec 21, 2012

Fashion Friday

(*Disclaimer: Beautiful dresses continuously amaze me but I am not a fashion blogger. I just like creating looks as inspiration for everyday/special day dressing up.)

So in about 4 days, we're having this really big party, where all my relatives from my Dad's side of the family will gather at my grandmother's house, which is located just beside ours. It's the annual Christmas Eve Party, y'all! *insert huuuuuuuge grin here*

Christmas is my all-time favorite holiday. I get all giddy when the -ber months start rolling in and I remember that, as kids, we used to count down from the 200th day before Christmas. Yes, way way way before Thanksgiving (which we really don't celebrate 'coz we're from the other side of the world), Halloween parties, All Saint's Day, All Soul's Day, and other local holidays.

Every year, my three sisters and I coordinate our outfits for the holidays. In years prior to 2010 I don't remember exactly the themes of our holidays but in 2010, we wore shorts (I'm not sure about this, that was probably in 2009 but I'm not really good with dates and people and the clothes they wear) and in 2011 we wore dresses (except our youngest - long story).

So for 2012, one of my younger sisters suggested we wear something red. Hence, this Polyvore set which I created to help me decide:

A Blushing Christmas

What do you think? I might go for 1 though. Let me know!

Blue button up shirt, $210 / Diane von Furstenberg / White tank, $19 / AllSaints knit sweater / GUESS by Marciano woven shirt / River Island , $24 / H&M peplum mini skirt, $24 / Pink Tartan high waisted pants, $125 / ASOS flat shoes / Maryjane shoes / H&M , $16 / Stacking bangle, $180 / Wallis resin jewelry / Photo necklace / Miso peace sign earrings, $8.13 / Meredith Wendell / Feather cuff earrings

Nov 27, 2012

A quick love note

written in 2010:

I don't want to have to recycle the words but I guess they have all been said to you one time or another
... although I don't think anybody would have ever meant them as much.

- bes

Nov 22, 2012

Of past lives and blog sites

I cannot believe these are still out there! Good thing I still regularly check the email address I used to create all these. My gaaaahd! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

From my teeny-bopper petty problem days:

to my lesbian phase (or so I thought) days:

to my mommy journal:

So funny reading a few bits and pieces of what my life used to be. Makes me think what could I have done to not have to experience this or write that or think this...? 

And then I realize it's okay. I'm starting to find peace with who I was in the past - for if I wasn't able to experience those things, I wouldn't be the person I am today, right? And the present, and future, is all that really matters now. Just me and my girls. 

I hope.

Thoughts at 6 in the morning

★ There are a lot of things in my life I should be thankful for - food, shelter, health, friends, family, and even just life itself. But my eyeglasses tend to get a bit blurry sometimes and the things I should be thankful for get lost in the "i-don't-know-what-is-happening-to-this-life" phase of mine.

★ Writing is something I know I can do pretty well. I have been practicing since I was six years old. And although I'm pretty sure that when I read now what I've written before I'll make the eww face and the ugh sound, it doesn't change the fact that I can do it and that I can actually be good at it. But I lose my words into thoughts.

★ Thinking has been a pretty nasty habit of mine. It's all good when you do it at school or for work, but when you do it alone, in bed, while waiting for the sheep to sit by your side and cuddle you to sleep - it can tear up everything you have ever believed in.

★ Paychecks aren't something I regularly get nowadays. I have been working for 6 years straight and this 4-month unemployment hasn't been easy. It's been fun and I get projects here and there but with the way I spend what I get, Ayayayayay!

★ Staring at random things is turning out to be an enjoyable past-time. I can stare at the bed sheets for an hour.

★ My lower cigarette consumption rate has contributed to the amount of weight I have gained in the past 4 months.

★ When I meet other people, I realize: Education is just another word.

★ The things I want to learn are all about letters, words, fonts, texts, papers, and books. There's never enough time in the world to know about all these.

★ I admit the stream of thoughts have stopped by the third bullet but I kept trying to think of other things to put down because ★!

★ I believe we are made up of stars. (Starstuff, anyway.)

When Love Arrives - Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye

"Love is not who you were expecting, love is not what you can predict. Maybe love is in New York City, already asleep, and you are in California, Australia, wide awake. Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone, maybe love is not ready for you. Maybe you are not ready for love. Maybe love just isn’t the marrying type. Maybe the next time you see love is twenty years after the divorce, love looks older now, but just as beautiful as you remembered. Maybe love is only there for a month. Maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit. Maybe love stays - maybe love can’t. Maybe love shouldn’t.

Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to, and love leaves exactly when love must. When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.” If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her. Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper, “Thank you. Thank you for stopping by.”

Nov 14, 2012

A sleepless night and a song on repeat

I have the Up Dharma Down song Tadhana on repeat.

And I can't stop listening to all the possibilities, the unwritten words just ready to come out any second the next note is played.

But I have nothing.

All I have is an endless stream of thoughts I can barely grasp. No,

I can't even stay still for a couple of seconds to try to comprehend the things I keep stressing about.


just when I thought I had a few phrases I can try to piece together,

they flow. They fly away.

And I force myself to focus on the song.

And when I find the words that speak to me,

I wish

that somebody's willing to listen just as much to what I can say in writing.

Even though I don't know it yet.

"Ba't 'di pa sabihin
Ang hindi mo maamin
Ipa-uubaya na lang ba 'to sa hangin
huwag mong ikatakot
Ang bulong ng damdamin mo
Naririto ako at nakikinig sa'yo."

Nov 13, 2012

A quick love note

We've been together 29 months. You're cooking your special creamy tomato pasta for breakfast-brunch-lunch. And I say I'm working on one of the articles I need to submit later. But I just want to write this quick love note to let you know a few things:

You're a very beautiful person. You constantly bring out the best in every single man or woman whose lives depend on your care. You touch other people's lives so wonderfully, and yet you remain ever so humble.

I have known you ever since our high school days. And although my memory gets foggy sometimes (like who initiated first contact, who started writing whom, why we became "bes"-es in the first place), I can still remember the way you made me feel before. All the kilig, the kulitan, some tampuhan

Over the years I have known so much about you. About how you like your noodles cooked, about how you like your work clothes to fit. About how you like your hair to look like. About how you sleep. about how you hold the ball when you shoot. About how light the pen moves on the paper when you write. About how you like to take care of everyone you love. About how you like to make funny noises when animating stuffed toys, or just about any non-living thing, or living things that cannot speak for themselves. About how very little toothpaste you use. About how you can't keep surprises. The list just goes on and on.

And you know what? Despite knowing so much about you, you just continue to amaze me every single day. You're the strongest, most patient woman I have ever known. Know that I will always love you, in every way I know how, forever & ever & ever.

- bes

Never a time for anything

It's almost noon and I still haven't had breakfast, still haven't taken a bath, and still haven't started on those 10 articles I need to finish before 8pm. I am still trying to pry my thoughts away from crawling back to bed. My partner is already up and cooking for us but me? With less than 6 hours of sleep, I feel dead tired.

It's fascinating how there just aren't enough hours in a day to do everything we need/want to do. First there's sleep, then the eating part, the taking a bath part, the working (oh no the working sucks all the life out of one sometimes), the dreaming, the crafting (or doing anything creative with your hands), the meeting up with clients, the hanging out with friends, the playing with your kids, the teaching your kids their homework, (and for some) the studying, and the partying and drinking at night... there's just too many things we all have to cram in a 24 hour day.

24 hours in 1 day
720 hours each in April, June, September, and November
672 hours in February
744 hours each in January, March, May, July, August, October, and December

8760 hours in 365 days
525, 600 minutes in a year
31, 536, 000 seconds

And in my 25 years of living, I probably spent about 148, 920 hours wishing for more.

Forgive my obsession with numbers. I'm a writer who loves unending computations. I sometimes think I should have been an accountant instead.

8760 hours in 365 days

Nov 3, 2012

Of words unsaid

I have no idea how to say it. The words feel wrong, somehow. It's been exactly 231 days since I read my Mother's text, telling me my Grandfather has given up his fight for life.

Lolo and me
I was just about to drop by the hospital later that day, after my daughter's pre-school graduation. It was supposed to be my first time to see him in the hospital, because work (and clothes not fit for public hospitals) got in the way. 

I rushed to the hospital as soon as I can, hoping to at least get a glimpse of him before they take him out of his room. Unfortunately, all I saw was my aunt who hugged me and told me that it was okay - Lolo knew I wanted to see him and that was what's important.

But it's not okay. I wanted to see him, and I didn't get to see him. 

Sep 11, 2012

At 5 am

So I haven't posted anything lately. And it's actually good for me irl. Because the lesser the time I spend online means the more time I get to spend doing anything with a pen and a paper offline. Okay, not really.

Gaah. I just want to post something to make my blog look a wee bit awake. It's 10 minutes past 5 in the morning, the girlfriend has been asleep since midnight, I still haven't started on the 20 articles I'm supposed to be writing and the 10 I'm supposed to be proofreading (although the gf said she'll help me with that - and a bit on the writing too), I can't sleep, I want to smoke, and I can't think clearly.

Okay that last one was a lie. My thoughts actually seem to get a bit clearer in the wee hours of the morning. Blame it on the past night jobs. Or the monthly girly pains.

Oh well I hope I get to write more about that insanely "clear" mind of mine next time. Lemme try again to sleep.

Jun 25, 2012


Saturday -
Went to Coal with the team to celebrate Bill's 22nd. Had half a bottle of San Mig Green Apple then went straight to the hospital to pick girlfriend up from work. Headed to Save More to buy some groceries then went home. Slept before 6 pm.

Sunday -
Picked girlfriend up from work, ate lunch at home, had coffee and cake at Cafe Lidia, then had a bottle of San Mig Light at Yholk's.

Jun 22, 2012

Moonleaf date with bes, and kids these days

Instead of going straight home after work, I bought food at KFC for girlfriend's lunch. I was supposed to just drop by the hospital to give it to her but since they only had 2 patients left, I decided to wait for her end of shift in two hours at the hospital instead.

While waiting, I was able to reach a third of chapter 2 in my book, smoke at the store jut outside the bldg., slept a bit (around 30-minutes-ish), and think.

Ever since I went on vacation, my mind's been on overdrive. I can't stop thinking about the next days, weeks, months, years. It's exciting and frightening at the same time. But I'm just hoping things will work out in the end.

Anyway, when girlfriend finally clocked out,

Timed in at work today

and just as I entered the door going to the office, I smelled the stinking feeling of dread. I really thought I was going to WANT to come back to work after a long vacation. That was the reason why I wanted to turn in my resignation before I went on leave - because I was scared I wouldn't be able to do it when I came back 'cause I would miss doing something, working.

But as it turns out, the feeling was still the same. I still felt tired of the routine. I still didn't feel like I was actually doing any writing.

It's sad. But there are bills to pay. But. Once I get done with that and still don't get what I know (and countless people before me know) I deserve, I'm going. Will work with my tito for a bit and then get back to writing.

I will write. I don't yet know why I NEED to write. But I will.

Jun 21, 2012

Late lunch date

Picked girlfriend up from work today and brought her a Hakka Milk Tea from Moonleaf. I tried their new Apple Yogurt Milk Tea but I think it's a but fruity for my taste. It will do, but it's no Wintermelon.

Anyway, after surprising girlfriend, we decided on eating at Cafe Lidia. It felt like forever since we dined out. And because we were starving hyenas, I wasn't able to take any photos of the food (to awaken the hungry green-eyed monsters in you teehee). We devoured Lidia's famous Buffalo Wings, Pasta Bolognese (angel hair), and the House Special pizza. We also ordered Grandma's Chocolate Cake and Sansrival for dessert.

We'd like to think girlfriend and I are now able to work a system re: eating out. We will be sharing a pasta and a pizza or a main entree and an pasta, etc. It will all be about sharing from now on. I mean, yeah we also shared food before but we were very extravagant when it comes to dining out when in fact, we can make do with lesser spend rates and lesser fats and calories to take home.

So there. And oh, lookie what I saw on the newspaper - Heat, James take crucial 3-1 lead. And look at that sad sad sad look on girlfriend's face. Hihihi :)

Vacation hangover

The real world still hasn't sinked in. My body is physically here, in bed, lying around and waiting for sleep but my mind is somewhere else. Every time I look at the clock my thoughts race back to the exact same time in Boracay, a couple of days ago, yesterday... and then the whole scenery transports me back like an old movie.

I haven't even started unpacking.

Girlfriend already left for work earlier which is lucky for her because even when she thinks back into the carefree vacay, she got work to distract her. Unlike me, I am stuck in the room and willing, well, begging, actually, my body to start moving and stop thinking. But I can't help it. Well, at least, not yet.

In a while. In a bit. In an hour. In a day.

Hangovers just always suck. They are suckity suckity suck suckers. Blech.

Jun 20, 2012

That's a wrap

Finally got home. We stayed at naia for a lot longer to grab lunch before heading to the departure area so we won't have to pay all that extra for a non-metered fare taxi or the 70 peso flagdown rate taxi with 4 pesos per 300mts. And we got a cab almost instantly.

Unfortunately, we got stuck with a cab driver who I think didn't realize we knew the way home. Plus, he didn't know how to brake properly. I didn't feel like throwing up on the plane but the cab ride home makes me wish I had taken probably about 3 bonamine tablets. So, instead of going straight home, gf and I stopped by Starbucks in BluWave and had a couple of drinks. And it did make us feel a bit better.

Oh and also, WE FORGOT OUR TOOTHBRUSH AT THE HOTEL. We laughed about that a lot because while we were in the lobby and the crew was checking on the room, they asked us whether we wanted to still take the food we left but they didn't ask about our toothbrushes. We thought that was them telling us our brushes look so worn out that we intentionally left them there. So there.

Anyway, I am dead beat like seriously and I can't type well anymore. So good night for now, I guess.

(Btw, girlfriend bought me a pink capdase for my iPod - something she promised 3 months ago- and screen protector [shit I typed screensaver before correcting it to screen protector] 'cause I kinda scratched the old one. So new case, yeah, yay!)

Sleeeeeeeep is here. Will try to post something new tom.

Getaway day 4 breakfast in parts

Thought we would have to rush eating breakfast (because we'd wake up late and the shuttle that will pick us up will be at the lobby by ten) but thankfully, we woke up ahead of time and got to eat leisurely and even take photos of the hotel before we left.

So here's breakfast, and glimpses into the hotel as well.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

At Godofredo P. Ramos airport in Caticlan. We got in too early, our flight's at 12.55 and it's just 11 in the morning. We left Patio Pacific at 10 and we were here by 10.30. Wow.

Too bad though the two tv's here are strictly glued to news channels. We cannot watch the game boohoo. I bet the Shangri-La's Boracay Resorts & Spa and the Discovery Shores lounge allow their customers to watch the game. Boohoo.

Anyway, girlfriend is now reading (a hobby that I'm happy she has discovered through me), and when I finish this post and the next one I'll hopefully finish the January chapter of this book.

Checking out

Currently at the hotel's lobby. Will be traveling again in a bit, and hopefully girlfriend doesn't feel sick on the plane ride home.

Getting married in Boracay

After the police station, we dropped by the famous Jonah's for mango milk and avocado milk shakes, Ti Braz for the crepe and pasta, Starbucks for the coffee, and Willy's rock, and yes guys, my partner and I got married in Boracay.

No. Of course not. There was a wedding and when it was done, we asked if we could take a picture ubder their makeshift altar. Hihi.