May 31, 2006


i want to cry. and not because of some sappy thing like im tired of this life, im so burned out, my boyfriend cheated on me (as if that will ever happen!) i want to cry because i miss TABAK.

i was browsing through a friend's page in friendster and i saw it...tabak pics. old tabak pics...sigh.

i miss tabak's principle. i miss tabak's comfort-the thing is, no matter what happens, you know tabak is there for you, the whole of tabak is gonna be there. it was tabak which taught me that i can really do more, that i should fight for what's right and not just go with the flow. tabak taught me to be a non-conformist, to not try to please everyone else, to satisfy the country's thirst before one's self.

i just miss TABAK.

by the way, realidaya was the song by kuya iko which razel, ate yello and i made steps to and which we danced at the major prod we had that year, MULAT.

aaw. i just looked at tabak's page and i saw the photo albums...aaw. i miss the tabak family.

May 28, 2006

grabbed from a friend's post

[-] You know someone that cares about you.
[-] You have a boyfriend/ girlfriend/fiancee/husband/ wife.
[ ] You have your own room.
[-] You own a cell phone.
[-] You get good grades.
[ ] You have an ipod/ mp3 player.
[-] Your parents are still married.
[-] You have more than 2 best friends.
[ ] There is a swimming pool in your backyard.
[-] You live in a house.

T O T A L: 7

[-] You dress how you want to.
[-] You hang out with friends more than once a week.
[-] There is a computer/ laptop in your room.
[-] You have never been beaten up.
[?] You never cry more than twice a month.
[-] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[ ] Your room is big enough for you.
[-] People don't use you for something you have.
[-] You have been to a concert.
[-] You laugh more than twice a day.

T O T A L: 8

[-] You have over 100 friends on friendster.
[-] You have pictures on friendster.
[-] You get allowance.
[ ] You collect something normal.
[-] People don't make fun of you to be mean.
[-] You look foward to go to school.
[-] You don't wish you were someone else.
[-] You play a sport.
[-] You do something after school.
[-] You shower daily.

T O T A L: 9

[ ] You own a car.
[ ] You usually don't fight with your parents.
[?] You're healthy.
[ ] You've never had a cavity.
[-] You are happy with your appearance.
[ ] You aren't self-consious at all.
[ ] You have never got a failing grade in your life.
[-] You have friends.
[-] You have so many inside jokes with friends.
[ ] You know your parents care and love you.

T O T A L: 3

[-] You know what is going on in the world.
[-] You care about sooo many people.
[-] You are happy with your life.
[-] You usually aren't sick.
[-] You know more than one language.
[-] You have a screen name.
[ ] You own a pet.
[-] You know the words to more than 5 songs.
[-] You don't have many enemies.
[-] You are happy you're living.

T O T A L: 9

Now count up the number and multiply by
2. Then
repost saying 'My life is __% perfect’

33x2=66% my life isn't a 100% perfect.then again, whose life is?

May 22, 2006


feel the warmth a new day brings
and cry me out
to your
sleepless dreams

touch me in any way
long for me
and make me wait

shimmer in the darkness
tinker with the light

play with fire
dance with the night.

don't just read, write!

i still remember when i was small (i mean im still small now but you get the point), i used to be so "kind" to my books. id always have my dad cover them up neatly with those clear plastic covers that we use to cover our school books with. i was very particular with my books - they had to be completely covered, the tag price had to be torn off and my dad should use the cleanest looking clearest plastic ever. i never wanted my books looking like a page torn off of a magazine or a rip off the birthday gift wrapper. i wanted to display them all, my sweet valley books, my children's books, my archie comics, everything. but then i got to read this short essay about truly loving your books.

we were incoming second year high school students then and our literature tutor for our advanced summer classes asked us how we preserve our books then she ade us read this essay. i forgot the title but its main essence was, the preservation of a book does not merely aim at its physical attributes. to really know the book was to write between the lines, at the edges; to absorb the book wholly, to leave nothing behind, to read even the smallest dot the page contains, to love.

from that point on, i realized yeah, i was so scared of putting my book down in a filthy place or have a scratches or marks in it. i was afraid of my book getting any water marks or black ink marks or whatever. i just want my book to look exactly the way when i got it, if possible, even better. but i guess since that day i read that essay, i got into another level of realization and it made me adapt a new philosophy in life. and up to now, i still believe and live with that perspective in mind. i don't want to be the part of that bandwagon of shallow-ness i used to be in before. ive learned.

and with that elarning, i never did let go of the taking-care of the books part. i may have let go of the o.c. freak but i still love them funny-smelling paperbacks. (hey, i do love the smell of a good book. i actually love smelling books.)

so what's with the connection of writing and making colored ink marks in the lining and edges of a book? well, i feel like there are times ive been overly obsessive about the pettiest things and ive wanted for things to run smoothly, perfectly, just like with my books before - they were the neatiest books ive ever seen. but i realize that sometimes, you just could not always be that smart-ass chick. you have to learn how to live life, you have to learn how to enjoy the littlest of things, you have to appreciate the smallest of beauties.

ive always told other people that the thing that can truly make you happy lies in the smallest thing, unnoticeable thing around you which abound like the bad grass farmers so hate. and we have to learn how to appreciate them. we have to learn how to love them. absorb them. wholly accept them.

i love the ink of my black pen. although i think i already lost it. teehee.

May 19, 2006

unholy hours, incapabilities, the present, the written word, the arts and what-have-yous

i just read the blog of a friend of mine and im turning a wee crazy. i mean, she might not be living the life she really wants yet she's living the life i want. studying, writing, watching movies, writing still, and writing again. basically its all her free time of writing that making me like this. it doesn't help that my call center shift starts at an unholy hour and ends for me to meet the glorious scorching sun. great? no. hell no.

but im starting to love my job, really. it doesn't give off too much pressure, i work in a friendly environment, not much stress, nonetheless it is work. my parents are actually threatening me to resign or what-have-you but i just don't want to. when i asked them to give me a reason why i should quit, they simply said 'hindi mo kaya'. just what kind of insanity did they acquire from all those arguments they've had with each other?! who are they to know i can't do it? how can anyone know what one person's capabilities are?

you know what, i believe that people are naturally good. they may not be good now but they've been good before. and when worse comes to worst, its still this natural 'good' they have that strikes their hearts. with that said, who are we to tell anyone the limitations of their capabilities? who are we to stop them from doing what they love doing just for the fact that we simply believe they can't do it? no one should ever have to suffer such cruelties. its like stuffing a hardened cork into the mouths of their dreams. no one has the right to do that. not even god. (no offense)

don't get me wrong, its not one of my dreams to land as an agent in the call center industry. but it grew on me and when something like that happens, i go with the flow. i like what im doing. im living the present, not deeply bothered in the future and not still clingy to the past. i know i sound so immature but in what way do you want me to live my life? always worrying about the future? always being so clingy with the past? its common knowledge that people who cling on to the past become laggards and a bit incapable of moving on. while those who live life with the hope of the future becomes a living ghost - it makes them forget to stop and look at the adorable little things life throws their way. i would like to believe ive already moved on from that. im living my life one day at a time. whats so bad about it?

i just ran out of words.

see what happens to me? ok, im not complaining about the ungodly hours of my job but i just miss my time alone. well, not alone-alone but write time alone. i have to admit, i am in love with the written word. writing has always been my passion for god-knows-when. i love poetry, i love the arts, i love the theater, i love poetry, i love words, phrases, sentences...i love words.

(im hopeful, hopeful, yes i am, take this music and use it let it take you away. and be hopeful hopeful and he'll make a way. i know it ain't easy but...its ok)

again im experiencing these weird moments wherein i never really cared about teh background music as im doing something but when i get to the point of realizations and stuff, the perfect song just comes along as a theme for the story, my story. its creepy yes. still, its kind of cute. great timing, if you know what i mean.

oops. its already 2.30 and i still have to go to work. bye.

May 16, 2006

books to movies

its one o'clock in the morning and im getting a wee tired. matt is beside me right now, ever so naughty and kulet all of a sudden. but i miss that part about him. hehe.

so there we were supposed to play dota but as it turns out, we had lots of otehr stuff to check out and do before playing.

anyway, i can't wait to see The Da Vinci Code already. im super excited with the way it'll turn out. i mean, i read the damn book. if the movie does not live up to it, might as well be trash. i mean, not trash-trash but plain trash. i hate having to watch good books turn into movies that aren't really that bad but movies that take the whole meaning of the book away. i mean, what was even the point of making a movie out the book if you're not to follow what was in it? if you are not to do that, might as well place it as "based on the characters of blahblah" and not "based on the book of blahh" right?

i have nothing against filmakers wanting to make a twist in a good book. but what i am against are filmakers suddenly changing the whole story of the book - the whole essence of its being naturally a good read. like remember "A Walk to Remember?" i got overexcited watching the movie since ive already read the book and i got my hopes up because it was a book that was on the edge of being sweet but was on the borderline of being cheesy. anyways, as it turns out, the whole point of the book being titled "A Walk To Remember" was totally stripped off in the movie. You need to read before you watch.

so there. matt just found a The Da Vinci Code teaser at youtube. i wanna watch it first ok? bye.

May 15, 2006

how did you...?

its weird when you answer stuff at blogthings and then they make you realize who you really are. its creepy but fun at the same time.


People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain.
People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

You Should Be a Poet

You have a way with words... and a talent for drawing the pure emotions out of experiences.
Your poetry has the potential to make people laugh and cry at the same time. You just need to write it!

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.
You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward.
Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.
All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Alohilani Kaili

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.

They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.

It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.

They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

You Are Smokin' Hot

You're a terrible flirt, a sharp dresser, and a party animal.
Of course, you're totally sizzling too. And for you, being hot just comes naturally.

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Sandra Spreadum

You Are a Soy Latte

At your best, you are: free spirited, down to earth, and relaxed

At your worst, you are: dogmatic and picky

You drink coffee when: you need a pick me up, and green tea isn't cutting it

Your caffeine addiction level: medium

Your Extroversion Profile:
Cheerfulness: Very High
Friendliness: Very High
Excitement Seeking: High
Activity Level: Medium
Sociability: Medium
Assertiveness: Low

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.
You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.

You should major in:

Foreign language

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest:

You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future.

At Your Lowest:

You feel in a slump and lack creativity.

In Love:

You tend to be many people's ideal partner.

How You're Attractive:

You make people feel confident and accepted.

Your Eternal Question:

"What Impression Am I Giving?"


again, im super hungry. sigh.

im to go to the ateneo again today to teach my kids. hope they do get to elarn something from me.

i can't wait to go to work already. i don't know, im just hung up on it. i have no plans of leaving it. really. il go to work in the mornings and go to school in the afternoons. right? i could make this work. i know i can.


sigh. i feel like no words are able to come out of me. i just keep on reading and reading books but unlike before, i couldn't write about all these that ive read about. don't get me wrong. im as absorbed as can be when reading such good books but, i just can't write anymore. i mean, i can write. but unlike before, it takes me suh a long time before actually knowing of what to write about and double the time to actually put all those to words. it sad and i really wish i could do something about it.

its hard for me during times like this. i feel so bad. i really do. what do other people do when they face stuff like these?

i really want it back.


ok. ive taken too long in front of this computer and i have to log out now. bye.

May 14, 2006

i just got back from work a bit earlier and well, i wasn't actually working...i mean, i got there so late because my dad, my parents actually, were forcing me to resign. but i have to get through them.

btw, a BIG thank you to my you!

so there. iw as with kuya jigz and ate joan after work and we went to megamall and st. francis square. kuya jigz and i were supposed to buy slippers but as it turns out, ate joan was the only one who got her pair and i was left looking at some stall with uber cute teddy bears and i ended up buying one. ate joan said i should name him 'cado' for avocado but then decided against it. i changed it to 'keido' (kiddo) and im still thinking if it fits. hmm.. after that, we ate at kfc in mega and we were to play arcade but i saw this booksale sign and i just had to get in. i bought me a new book, "ride into the morning' a novel by anne rinaldi about tempe wick, a sort-of legend in the US.

oh shf. i only got a minute more and im kicked out of this computer place. got to go.

May 8, 2006

we just came from the ateneo and i already met my new kids. (haha. new kids. as if!) anyways, their names are len, denden and arvin. i got a guy and he was like the most shy there is. it was hard for me to make him say anything. heck, it was hard for anyone to make him say anything.

but anyhows, i miss teaching. im glad i still got this decla tutor slot. so glad. :)


i don't want to write anthing about my work right now. i still have lots to do, to focus on some things. sigh. but i am loving this. i do. really.

May 3, 2006

Ten Commandments for Peace of Mind

- unknown author -

1. Do Not Interfere In Others' Business Unless Asked
Most of us create our own problems by interfering
too often in others' affairs. We do so because
somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way
is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic
and those who do not conform to our thinking must
be criticized and steered to the right direction,
our direction. This thinking denies the existence
of individuality; each one of us has created in a
unique way and no two human beings can think or
act in exactly the same way.

2. Forgive And Forget
This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We
often develop ill feelings inside our heart for
the person who insults us or harms us. We nurture
grievances. This in turn results in loss of sleep,
development of stomach ulcers, and high blood
pressure. This insult or injury was done once, but
nourishing of grievance goes on forever by
constantly remembering it. Get over this bad
habit. Believe in the justice of God. Let Him
judge the act of the one who insulted you. Life is
too short to waste in such trifles. Forgive,
Forget, and march on. Love flourishes in giving
and forgiving.

3. Do Not Crave For Recognition
This world is full of selfish people. They seldom
praise anybody without selfish motives. They may
praise you today because you are in power, but no
sooner than you are powerless, they will forget
your achievement and will start finding faults in
you. Why do you wish to kill yourself in striving
for their recognition? Their recognition is not
worth the aggravation. Do your duties ethically
and sincerely and leave the rest to God.

4. Do Not Be Jealous
We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb
our peace of mind. You know that you work harder
than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes
they get promotions; you do not. You started a
business several years ago, but you are not as
successful as your neighbor whose business is only
one year old. There are several examples like
these in everyday life. Should you be jealous? No.
If you are destined to be rich, nothing in the
world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no
one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by
blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will
not get you anywhere; it will only take away your
peace of mind.

5. Change Yourself According To The Environment
If you try to change the environment
single-handedly, the chances are you will fail.
Instead, change yourself to suit your environment.
As you do this, even the environment, which has
been unfriendly to you, will mysteriously change
and seem congenial and harmonious.

6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured
This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into
an advantage. Every day we face numerous
inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and
accidents that are beyond our control. If we
cannot control them or change them, we must learn
to put up with these things. We must learn to
endure them cheerfully thinking, "God wills it so,
so be it." God's plan is beyond our comprehension.
Believe in it and you will gain in terms of
patience, inner strength and will power.

7. Do Not Bite off More Than You Can Chew
This maxim needs to be remembered constantly. We
often tend to take more responsibilities than we
are capable of carrying out. This is done to
satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. Why take
on additional loads that may create more worries?
You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your
external activities. Reduce your material
engagements and spend time in prayer,
introspection and meditation. This will reduce
those thoughts in your mind that make you
restless. Uncluttered mind will produce greater
peace of mind.

8. Meditate Regularly
Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of
disturbing thoughts. This is the highest state of
peace of mind. Try and experience it yourself. If
you meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday,
your mind will tend to become peaceful during the
remaining twenty-three and half-hours. Your mind
will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You
would benefit by gradually increasing the period
of daily mediation. You may think that this will
interfere with your daily work. On the contrary,
this will increase your efficiency and you will be
able to produce better results in less time.

9. Never Leave the Mind Vacant
An empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil
actions start in the vacant mind. Keep your mind
occupied in something positive, something
worthwhile. Actively follow a hobby. Do something
that holds your interest. You must decide what you
value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby,
like social work or temple work, may not always
earn you more money, but you will have a sense of
fulfillment and achievement. Even when you are
resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy
reading or mental exercising.

10. Do Not Procrastinate and Never Regret
Do not waste time in protracted wondering " Should
I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months, and years
may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You
can never plan enough because you can never
anticipate all future happenings. Value your time
and do the things that need to be done. It does
not matter if you fail the first time. You can
learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time.

Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing.
Learn from your mistakes, but do not brood over
the past. DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was
destined to happen only that way. Take it as the
Will of God. You do not have the power to alter
the course of God's Will. Why cry over spilt milk?

"Do not seek happiness in the grand or complex...
instead find joy in the simple and unnoticed."
P.E.P. de Leon

This one's for someone who eases my mind. Thank
you for always being there.

(orginally posted by apocalypse)

-i just grabbed this from my friend's (ate joan) post in friendster and i loved it. people still do post sensibly. thank god for them :)