May 19, 2006

unholy hours, incapabilities, the present, the written word, the arts and what-have-yous

i just read the blog of a friend of mine and im turning a wee crazy. i mean, she might not be living the life she really wants yet she's living the life i want. studying, writing, watching movies, writing still, and writing again. basically its all her free time of writing that making me like this. it doesn't help that my call center shift starts at an unholy hour and ends for me to meet the glorious scorching sun. great? no. hell no.

but im starting to love my job, really. it doesn't give off too much pressure, i work in a friendly environment, not much stress, nonetheless it is work. my parents are actually threatening me to resign or what-have-you but i just don't want to. when i asked them to give me a reason why i should quit, they simply said 'hindi mo kaya'. just what kind of insanity did they acquire from all those arguments they've had with each other?! who are they to know i can't do it? how can anyone know what one person's capabilities are?

you know what, i believe that people are naturally good. they may not be good now but they've been good before. and when worse comes to worst, its still this natural 'good' they have that strikes their hearts. with that said, who are we to tell anyone the limitations of their capabilities? who are we to stop them from doing what they love doing just for the fact that we simply believe they can't do it? no one should ever have to suffer such cruelties. its like stuffing a hardened cork into the mouths of their dreams. no one has the right to do that. not even god. (no offense)

don't get me wrong, its not one of my dreams to land as an agent in the call center industry. but it grew on me and when something like that happens, i go with the flow. i like what im doing. im living the present, not deeply bothered in the future and not still clingy to the past. i know i sound so immature but in what way do you want me to live my life? always worrying about the future? always being so clingy with the past? its common knowledge that people who cling on to the past become laggards and a bit incapable of moving on. while those who live life with the hope of the future becomes a living ghost - it makes them forget to stop and look at the adorable little things life throws their way. i would like to believe ive already moved on from that. im living my life one day at a time. whats so bad about it?

i just ran out of words.

see what happens to me? ok, im not complaining about the ungodly hours of my job but i just miss my time alone. well, not alone-alone but write time alone. i have to admit, i am in love with the written word. writing has always been my passion for god-knows-when. i love poetry, i love the arts, i love the theater, i love poetry, i love words, phrases, sentences...i love words.

(im hopeful, hopeful, yes i am, take this music and use it let it take you away. and be hopeful hopeful and he'll make a way. i know it ain't easy but...its ok)

again im experiencing these weird moments wherein i never really cared about teh background music as im doing something but when i get to the point of realizations and stuff, the perfect song just comes along as a theme for the story, my story. its creepy yes. still, its kind of cute. great timing, if you know what i mean.

oops. its already 2.30 and i still have to go to work. bye.