life stress

i was, for the nth time so on the verge of freaking out. i am just so tired and i feel so stressed. it's not even legal in some states for me to work and i have job stress! good luck with that.

i just hope i do start realizing and actually wake up knowing when spontaneity ends and responsibility begins.

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I just finished reading some of the blogs i managed to tag with mine because they were uber nice. And i cant quite try to fill my page with words because i know i wouldn't be able to write half as good as what they have. I write simply because. On the other hand, they write because. These people have got something to say, a lot to say and they can say it outright outloud without having all those ideas jampacked into their brightly lit minds not knowing where to start. No.

I feel a bit quesy about not having something to say. Or write, that is. I wasn't such a blabbermouth. I felt like keeping to myself almost all the time when i was a kid, i had my books, my papers, my pencil (we weren't allowed to use pens before sa school so i wasn't allowed to use pens at home either) and i was so happy that after reading a book in one sitting i would start jotting down these little things in my head that just kept on dripping from me like water from a tipped glass. But now i feel like the glass has been done with such refinished touches that it's not only shock-proof but also..gtg...

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to mumble

out of the sample servings of fantasies
i live our bittersweet realities...
a touch of magic inspired,
a flick of kisses and enchanting demands
cat fights and bull sessions we have in store,
panic-stricken and some *** galore.
id never change whats meant to be
we'd forever be the daintest quaintest
stars in this starland of tranquility.

sigh. i love you a million starfish.
and a million pink m&m's.
and a million strawberry shortcakes.
and a million meatball spaghetti.
and a million spicy squids.
and a million vanilla milkshakes.
oops, im getting hungry.
i love you my baby!
i love you my baby starboy blue!

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conversations of a gay lizard rat and an autistic psycho humanoid freak: chapter 1

topic - mainstream writers
(in between talks of writers known, writers unwritten, writers:us)
autistic psycho humanoid freak: you know why a lot of people wants to be a writer nowadays?
gay lizard rat: why?
aphf: COOL.
glr: that four-letter word.
aphf: yep.
glr: uh huh. they've sensationalized writers.
aphf: most writers nowadays aren't just writers. they're fashion icons, as well as tv hosts, celebrities and otehr what-have-yous. they've become a part of the social scene where everybody knows everybody.
grl: they have. and i'm not saying it's such a bad thing, you know, bringing the morale of the ordinary writer to such high levels of elite-ness. but the sad thing is, they've taken the writer to a different ladder. they've repackaged her (him) as this extraordinary goddess of beauty and art, for which the latter is mostly sacrificed.
aphf: and there have actually been mainstream writers who waste words and paper and otehr people's money on such common sense thoughts on general topics of love and life and death.
glr: ugh.

topic - the lustful life of a bisexual (at most times gay) lizard rat
(a sexy pretty girl passes by)
glr: when i see girls like that, i could just imagine squeezing their bottoms hard and having sex with them.
aphf: and i thought you were plainly gay.
glr: looks could be deceiving. actions are a lot more deluding.
aphf: right.

topic - stupidity
aphf: ...which is just stupid.
glr: but stupid is not always bad.
aphf: that's right.
glr: we all harbor some stupidity in us which makes us more of who we really are.
aphf: although for some people that's exactly who they are.
glr: but that doesn't make them any less of who they are.
aphf: isn't that stupid?
glr: yes. and that's why stupidity isn't always so bad.

topic - photographs
(in between discussions of aphf's pedophilic main attractions, that attraction's love for taking photographs and our want to be actual photographers)
aphf: i really want to be one of those photograbbers.
glr: the moment stealers.
aphf: yep. wish i could.
glr: anyone can.
aphf: everyone who wanted to can. but just soem are able to.
glr: i get it. you could if you had a rather medium-sized bulky machinery with you that whirrs and flashes when you focus it on a really beautiful scrap of a moment.
aphf: good.

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innocence

i love the crossfires at the end of a fight
i love seeing them all cuddled up so tight.
i love the wind blowing through their mud-stricken faces
i love their gasping for the air in between the spaces.

look into those hazelnut eyes
and melt with the dim glow.
i try to lose myself out of this pools
but i seem to always be losing control.

i want to take a hold of your rifle in this grey spot
take you down, take all your armor
and im going to lift you up from inside out.

i love the crossfires at the end of a fight
i love the tingles of the dim night.
i love the wind blowing through their mud-stricken faces
i love the dance of the bullets outlined into space.

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coversations of a gay lizard-rat and a humaniod: the prologue

humanoid: its weird. what's weird? weird is ok. abnormal is not.
gay lizard-rat: abnormal is ok. it's the society that bugs all off.
h: welcome the anti-social. ... there should never be such a term.
glr: what term?
h: anti-social.
grl: yep, i guess. i mean, an anti-social has her (or his) set of circle.
h: right. they've got their own society of anti-socials, them being termed as such by those part of the other society.
glr: exactly.

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sigh. whine.

ok. so i was making this testimonial for matt and im stuck. i said id try to put into words how much he means to me and its taking me such a long time staring at the computer screen typing nothing. (when we say put into words, it means id have to write him a poem or any lyrical something) and i now believe that i do suck at this. whatever happened?!

sigh. oh my. now i am again starting my paragraphs with sighs. oh my.

usually, when i start with sighs, i just have no other words to fill up the space with. and i don't want that. i miss having to write about everything and now being ridiculed for it. i mean, nobody's making fun of me but whatever. i know i cant write half as much as i can back then. and i don't want that. ok. im being bitter already. pang bang wham!

...

ok. i just finished my testimonial for him. yay. oh my. its already 3am and i still have to go to work. damn. i really have to have a laptop now. its really necessary for me. well, just a credit card and six more paydays to go.

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lazy cheerers, firm believers

brief updates:

1. ok. so i know i just had my template changed but i am planning to have it changed once again. call me a discontented frustrated blog-minder, i just have to look for the perfect template to actually have a bit more enthusiasm in wanting to open my blog and write. because when i see my blog so bland, i feel like i am not having my share with the template. i just want a template that would reveal a lot about me, and last, hopefully.

2. before i forget, im doing this post, typing it, at our computer. yay! we finally have the internet connection all spelled out. double yay! and matt gave me a net card. triple yay!

3. my shift is to start in about two hours and i still haven't gotten any sleep. i was awake at around 7.30 am yesterday, having only around 9 hours of sleep since we had a birthday celebration last sunday for everyone in my dad's side of the family who's celebrated their birthday for the month of september plus my little cousin who celebrated her birthday on the exact date.

4. speaking of birthdays, i had mine last sept.30 and it was so-so. well, except for the fact that i was celebrating it (more like watching theday pass by it) together with the remains of the typhoon 'milenyo'. one good thing about it, though , is opening my eyes at the sight of matt greeting me at 1.00 am that day. he slept here and we were lounging at the sofa so when i woke up, he was the first to greet me that day. it was kilig, bliss and all other happy cheery words. one bad thing though was that i went back to sleep after. teehee.

5. another sad fact about my birthday was that it was the game two of the uaap senior men's basketball championship and the ateneo lost, having another game three the following monday (today, earlier).

6. and speaking of the game, we watched earlier, and the ateneo lost. it was a good game although there were really parts wherein wrong calls were made and a big disrespect from the players of the opposing team happened. i even ended up missing my english class (the class wherein one more absence from me means immediate drop), taking the pressure of having to fake a medical certicate bearing my name and the words UTI with it. anyways, all in all it was a good game. although i didn't really 'see' the action for the last quarter and the overtime since i was clutching my both hands in prayer and just had my head bowed down. i admit it, i cried at the end of it, because it was just two points. but i was cheering my heart out still for the three seniors, doug, macky and jc. it was really macky's statement game, scoring 28 points, proving he has what it takes to go pro. and for jc, it was really all heart. he was the most (dare i say) devastated. but we are so proud. ateneo's sixth man may not always seem to be the sixth man because of being 'lazy cheeres'(-from the guy sitting next to me, a frustrated blue babble wanna-be, i guess. but he was a good guy) although you have to agree ateneans are firm believers. we believe. we believe all heart in the ateneo way. and that, i guess is what sets us apart. because, 'win or lose, it's the school we CHOOSE.'

7. also, i gave my supervisor a couple or so of poems because he has this band who is in need of new songs and just last sunday, he was actually singing one of my poems. again, i have these feelings of kilig and bliss overwhelming me. i didn't realize how satisfying is it having your poem be turned into a song. wow.

8. i love matt. i guess i don't have to write much about him anymore. i believe everyone who knows me already knows him and vice versa. i love you my baby starboy blue. (no matter how cheesy mushy and totally gushing-highschooler that sounds.)

whoa. 8 updates. i love having an internet connection at home. that sounds rural-ish but whatever. i believe we had such a bad experience with connecting to the internet so my dad just had that taken all off and that's that. i guess he came to his senses when his girls robbed him of money for internet cafes. harhar.


"we sing our battle song:
WIN or LOSE it's the school we CHOOSE.

Mary for you, for your white and blue
We pray you keep us Mary
Constantly true.
We pray you keep us Mary
Faithful to you."
-we BELIEVE.

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ok so anyways, i just finished changing my template and im supposed to bless it with a new post (something worth reading, that is) but i really have to go because i still need to take a rest before my shift starts at 3am and my baby mattie is already so tired i have to have him home at least before 7.30.

time check: 7.10. oh my. i really have to let this go.

(btw, i have to check this skin still, because the titles for each entry aren't displayed.)

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im tired. and im sick.

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1. sigh.

it was a long weekend for us guys at work but i really feel i haven't gotten much rest lately. you see, even when i do know i'm not supposed to go to work the next day, when i sleep at night i still wake up at around 12.30 and when i get back to sleep i end up waking again by 4am. great, right? then i'm up by 6.

i'm not complaining about all this, don't get me wrong. this point, space, place in time has got to be one of the highlights of my life, owe to the fact that i'm trying my very best struggling everything and i just...i'm loving the thought that just by waiting some more, i can finally move into a new apartment and spend the days with my mattie.

2. sigh.

i'm sick. i've got this bad feeling of pain all over my body and i have the colds so most probably i can't quite hear well and smell as well. haha. i just remembered that the last post i made was about my being sick and here i am again, talking about sickness. you don't think my body has lost all its immunity, its defense against the common ailments, do you? hmm..

3. sigh.

i still have a lot of catching up to do with reagrds to my acads. there's that paper in bc and that research paper in en. for the research paper in bc, i believe really that that is my fault why i still haven't got it done. but with en, the thing is, im bored with the class that's why i don't have the energy to actually want to do good in it. imagine, "College Reading and Writing" and what lessons are we getting? Basic Reading and Writing? these are the times i wish i haven't screwed up in up.

4. sigh.

work work work. now im feeling the pressure of having to actually hit goal everyday and make sales. i was transferred in another campaign, asp, and it's the priority campaign and all of us are being tested. and im really trying my best. i believe that if i really focus hard and long enough, i'd get the hang of it. i just have to brush that pressure off.

5. sigh.

i feel like it's been weeks ago since matt and i were able to attend and actually keep our heads up in mass. because one of us usually falls asleep and there. it's really embarassing but we can't help it at times, sorry.

6. sigh.

...

i miss my mattie.

now im really getting tired. i'll try to post by next week. promise...i'll try.
love you, baby.

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im sick

im so super tired. im sick and i still have work in about an hour and 15mins. yay!

this is too hard. i don't ever want to have such sickness ever again. i woke up yesterday feeling so bad and i was only able to get up of my bed just to call matt and tell him im sick and ask him to call the hr. yes, i went to work half day yesterday. and when i got to work, i felt a bit better almost after shift but when i got home in the afternoon, bam! there goes m headache again. and now im really really hot. literally, of course. tugsh!

the only reason i logged in to the net is to look fo rthe lyrics to songs and half the songs i want to look for ive already forgotten. how bad could that be? now im stuck and im still missing one more song.

anyways, HAPPY BIRTHWEEK to my baby mattie! hehe...i promised this before and now i am finally fulfilling one of my little promises for you. i really hope you'll like it. i love you so much and that won't change, ever. *smile*

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all i'd need is black

bg: oo - up dharma down
*i just love listening to her voice. ang lamig sobra. it gives me the creeps. in a good way, though.

i already started going to school just last Monday afternoon and it actually feels good to be back within those four walls of...uhh...education? haha. and i actually like my professors this time. even if it's this 3hours subject and it gets a bit boring with all the paperworks and discussions and i get a bit sleepy, it actually feels great. (with that said, a big THANK YOU to my baby mattie!)

on other absurd thoughts:

1. why is it i feel so free when squishing my toes in the sand?

i like the feeling of squishing my toes deeper and deeper into the sand and still, it seems as if it does not end. no matter how deep i go, no matter how squished i felt my toes were, there was still sand beneath all it. and i actually feel free when doing that. it's actually ironic because, when you think of it, you are actually 'trapped' in the sand in a way, right? but there is still liberty in the thought that you can actually move around it all, just continue squishing and squishing and squishing. plus, it's a great exfoliant.

2. i'll breath for you, like a new tattoo - urbandub

i'd love to have the whole of my back tattooed. and i'm picturing it would have an abstract design as a centerpiece then it'd be filled with words and words, flowing with poetry of the uncalculable mind of a lady-in-waiting. i want something permanent. i want something non-erasable.

3. if the world is perfect, they wouldn't make pencils with erasers anymore

and i used to love erasers before. i used to collect them in different shapes and sizes. but the thing is, i don't like using them. i don't like smudging them to correct past mistakes, past mistakes put on paper. one can never unwrite something. it just simply can't happen. "whatever's writ cannot be unwrit" i just like the clean look of a brand-new eraser - the purity of its being entices me so much. if there was an award for being good at keeping erasers clean back in grade school, i'd have won.

4. a clean canvass

im ready to paint life unto a clean canvass. im ready to take hold of the paint brush and smudge it with reds, blues, pinks, oranges, greens, violets, teals, mauves, yellows, fuschias, indigos, golds, crimsons, aquamarines, azures, turquoises, siennas, ambers, carmines, carrots, celadons, cornflower blues, cyans, olives, scarlets, heliotropes, jades, khakis, mustards, lemon creams, olive drabs, orchids, plums, pumpkins, tennes, tangerines, wisteria, vermilions, viridians...id have it all on that clean canvass. all i need is black.

*for 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9, id have them all posted a bit later.

i already have to go to work sp id have to sign off already. bye.





"coz it's you and me
and all of the people with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and i don't kno why
...
i can't keep my eyes off of you."
-you and me, lifehouse

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"i could fall asleep in those eyes like a water bed"

i am on the verge of tears just browsing through all our pictures and realizing how much i really miss holding you close. there's no other word for it. i miss you. i miss you so much it's already killing me. but i have to do this. we have to be strong for us. i know we'd get through. it's just that, i miss you.

everytime we are not together i just think of you and when im with you im just wishing for the whole world to stop revolving and just get stuck at that point in time when we are finally together and i get to hold you close and laugh with you and share everything with you and just plainly love you - i just want to make you feel loved.

please don't hold back. i feel down everytime i try to give all effort and not feel as appreciated as should be. but i knowi should not expect things from anyone, most especially you. but i guess you're the one thing that gives me life and as well as kills me. i love you so much.

to love you would mean to risk all that i have within me.
to love you would mean to lose sight of myself.
to love you would mean to write a thousand poems of collision.
to love you would mean to get out of this box i am in.
to love you would mean freedom.
to love you would mean to say i love you and mean it.
to love you would mean .. bliss.

"Here I am, lost in the ashes of time, but who wants tomorrow?
In between the longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your shadow, I'm losing control
My mind drifts away, we only have today"
-afterglow, INXS

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sorry had to cut this post short. i still need sleep.

now i really have serious belief that there is something wrong with my template. the big picture on top of it all (i mean, the one on the top..damn) does not pop out. grr. and i was loving this template already. hmm... maybe its time for me to change things up. thanks for the maker of this template. it was good until it lasted. i loved the green so much. :)

anyways, i was just browsing through blogskins and i haven't found anything that'd suit my taste. 'coz im still in love with this skin. duh...wahat happened xe sa chuva na pic...haai.

by the way, im already pretty tired but i have so many things to say. where to start? where to start?

1. uhh...still don't know where to start..

maybe ill just make the updates some other time. i really need sleep.

i just have the monday off for this week but i still have to go to class that day. ok. such joy, right? but i do enjoy this life. plus, my baby mattie and i are ok now. so what else is there to bother me (home...) well, i didn't really care that much about home so why would i care or it now? sigh.

before i let this post put well, on post, i just wanna give a BIG SHOUT OUT to my baby... THANK YOU for YOU!

(he surprised me yesterday with a long-stemmed rose the color of my shirt just as i was making my last call in the office. it was...overwhelming when i saw his friend handcarry the rose to me. everyone was looking at em and all and...aah. i felt really really special at that moment.

more of this next time. much more.

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sing with the clown's cry

its not enough to be you anymore.

many times in my sleep i dream
the weirdest braided dream i ever could be in

the tangle of arms and the shadow of the lights
the glow of the red night
clinging softly yet it never fades.

i never asked fo rthe stars
i never asked for the night
i never asked for the sparks
i never asked for the lights

the silhoutte you left on my night light
shines ever so brightly in the sun
and the warmth of all the things left unsaid
tingles me with thoughts of immeasureble
uncertainty in the darkness of your glow

i long for the scraps and the bits
and the tiny pieces of ashes on snow

i yearn for the flaps and the claps
after the comic's one man show.

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realidaya

i want to cry. and not because of some sappy thing like im tired of this life, im so burned out, my boyfriend cheated on me (as if that will ever happen!)..no. i want to cry because i miss TABAK.

i was browsing through a friend's page in friendster and i saw it...tabak pics. old tabak pics...sigh.

i miss tabak's principle. i miss tabak's comfort-the thing is, no matter what happens, you know tabak is there for you, the whole of tabak is gonna be there. it was tabak which taught me that i can really do more, that i should fight for what's right and not just go with the flow. tabak taught me to be a non-conformist, to not try to please everyone else, to satisfy the country's thirst before one's self.

i just miss TABAK.

by the way, realidaya was the song by kuya iko which razel, ate yello and i made steps to and which we danced at the major prod we had that year, MULAT.

aaw. i just looked at tabak's page and i saw the photo albums...aaw. i miss the tabak family.

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grabbed from a friend's post

[-] You know someone that cares about you.
[-] You have a boyfriend/ girlfriend/fiancee/husband/ wife.
[ ] You have your own room.
[-] You own a cell phone.
[-] You get good grades.
[ ] You have an ipod/ mp3 player.
[-] Your parents are still married.
[-] You have more than 2 best friends.
[ ] There is a swimming pool in your backyard.
[-] You live in a house.

T O T A L: 7

[-] You dress how you want to.
[-] You hang out with friends more than once a week.
[-] There is a computer/ laptop in your room.
[-] You have never been beaten up.
[?] You never cry more than twice a month.
[-] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[ ] Your room is big enough for you.
[-] People don't use you for something you have.
[-] You have been to a concert.
[-] You laugh more than twice a day.

T O T A L: 8

[-] You have over 100 friends on friendster.
[-] You have pictures on friendster.
[-] You get allowance.
[ ] You collect something normal.
[-] People don't make fun of you to be mean.
[-] You look foward to go to school.
[-] You don't wish you were someone else.
[-] You play a sport.
[-] You do something after school.
[-] You shower daily.

T O T A L: 9

[ ] You own a car.
[ ] You usually don't fight with your parents.
[?] You're healthy.
[ ] You've never had a cavity.
[-] You are happy with your appearance.
[ ] You aren't self-consious at all.
[ ] You have never got a failing grade in your life.
[-] You have friends.
[-] You have so many inside jokes with friends.
[ ] You know your parents care and love you.

T O T A L: 3

[-] You know what is going on in the world.
[-] You care about sooo many people.
[-] You are happy with your life.
[-] You usually aren't sick.
[-] You know more than one language.
[-] You have a screen name.
[ ] You own a pet.
[-] You know the words to more than 5 songs.
[-] You don't have many enemies.
[-] You are happy you're living.

T O T A L: 9

GRAND TOTAL :
Now count up the number and multiply by
2. Then
repost saying 'My life is __% perfect’

33x2=66%


ok.so my life isn't a 100% perfect.then again, whose life is?

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submission

feel the warmth a new day brings
and cry me out
to your
sleepless dreams

touch me in any way
long for me
and make me wait

shimmer in the darkness
tinker with the light

play with fire
dance with the night.

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don't just read, write!

i still remember when i was small (i mean im still small now but you get the point), i used to be so "kind" to my books. id always have my dad cover them up neatly with those clear plastic covers that we use to cover our school books with. i was very particular with my books - they had to be completely covered, the tag price had to be torn off and my dad should use the cleanest looking clearest plastic ever. i never wanted my books looking like a page torn off of a magazine or a rip off the birthday gift wrapper. i wanted to display them all, my sweet valley books, my children's books, my archie comics, everything. but then i got to read this short essay about truly loving your books.

we were incoming second year high school students then and our literature tutor for our advanced summer classes asked us how we preserve our books then she ade us read this essay. i forgot the title but its main essence was, the preservation of a book does not merely aim at its physical attributes. to really know the book was to write between the lines, at the edges; to absorb the book wholly, to leave nothing behind, to read even the smallest dot the page contains, to love.

from that point on, i realized yeah, i was so scared of putting my book down in a filthy place or have a scratches or marks in it. i was afraid of my book getting any water marks or black ink marks or whatever. i just want my book to look exactly the way when i got it, if possible, even better. but i guess since that day i read that essay, i got into another level of realization and it made me adapt a new philosophy in life. and up to now, i still believe and live with that perspective in mind. i don't want to be the part of that bandwagon of shallow-ness i used to be in before. ive learned.

and with that elarning, i never did let go of the taking-care of the books part. i may have let go of the o.c. freak but i still love them funny-smelling paperbacks. (hey, i do love the smell of a good book. i actually love smelling books.)

so what's with the connection of writing and making colored ink marks in the lining and edges of a book? well, i feel like there are times ive been overly obsessive about the pettiest things and ive wanted for things to run smoothly, perfectly, just like with my books before - they were the neatiest books ive ever seen. but i realize that sometimes, you just could not always be that smart-ass chick. you have to learn how to live life, you have to learn how to enjoy the littlest of things, you have to appreciate the smallest of beauties.

ive always told other people that the thing that can truly make you happy lies in the smallest thing, unnoticeable thing around you which abound like the bad grass farmers so hate. and we have to learn how to appreciate them. we have to learn how to love them. absorb them. wholly accept them.

i love the ink of my black pen. although i think i already lost it. teehee.

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unholy hours, incapabilities, the present, the written word, the arts and what-have-yous

i just read the blog of a friend of mine and im turning a wee crazy. i mean, she might not be living the life she really wants yet she's living the life i want. studying, writing, watching movies, writing still, and writing again. basically its all her free time of writing that making me like this. it doesn't help that my call center shift starts at an unholy hour and ends for me to meet the glorious scorching sun. great? no. hell no.

but im starting to love my job, really. it doesn't give off too much pressure, i work in a friendly environment, not much stress, nonetheless it is work. my parents are actually threatening me to resign or what-have-you but i just don't want to. when i asked them to give me a reason why i should quit, they simply said 'hindi mo kaya'. just what kind of insanity did they acquire from all those arguments they've had with each other?! who are they to know i can't do it? how can anyone know what one person's capabilities are?

you know what, i believe that people are naturally good. they may not be good now but they've been good before. and when worse comes to worst, its still this natural 'good' they have that strikes their hearts. with that said, who are we to tell anyone the limitations of their capabilities? who are we to stop them from doing what they love doing just for the fact that we simply believe they can't do it? no one should ever have to suffer such cruelties. its like stuffing a hardened cork into the mouths of their dreams. no one has the right to do that. not even god. (no offense)

don't get me wrong, its not one of my dreams to land as an agent in the call center industry. but it grew on me and when something like that happens, i go with the flow. i like what im doing. im living the present, not deeply bothered in the future and not still clingy to the past. i know i sound so immature but in what way do you want me to live my life? always worrying about the future? always being so clingy with the past? its common knowledge that people who cling on to the past become laggards and a bit incapable of moving on. while those who live life with the hope of the future becomes a living ghost - it makes them forget to stop and look at the adorable little things life throws their way. i would like to believe ive already moved on from that. im living my life one day at a time. whats so bad about it?

i just ran out of words.

see what happens to me? ok, im not complaining about the ungodly hours of my job but i just miss my time alone. well, not alone-alone but write time alone. i have to admit, i am in love with the written word. writing has always been my passion for god-knows-when. i love poetry, i love the arts, i love the theater, i love poetry, i love words, phrases, sentences...i love words.

(im hopeful, hopeful, yes i am, take this music and use it let it take you away. and be hopeful hopeful and he'll make a way. i know it ain't easy but...its ok)

again im experiencing these weird moments wherein i never really cared about teh background music as im doing something but when i get to the point of realizations and stuff, the perfect song just comes along as a theme for the story, my story. its creepy yes. still, its kind of cute. great timing, if you know what i mean.

oops. its already 2.30 and i still have to go to work. bye.

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books to movies

its one o'clock in the morning and im getting a wee tired. matt is beside me right now, ever so naughty and kulet all of a sudden. but i miss that part about him. hehe.

so there we were supposed to play dota but as it turns out, we had lots of otehr stuff to check out and do before playing.

anyway, i can't wait to see The Da Vinci Code already. im super excited with the way it'll turn out. i mean, i read the damn book. if the movie does not live up to it, might as well be trash. i mean, not trash-trash but plain trash. i hate having to watch good books turn into movies that aren't really that bad but movies that take the whole meaning of the book away. i mean, what was even the point of making a movie out the book if you're not to follow what was in it? if you are not to do that, might as well place it as "based on the characters of blahblah" and not "based on the book of blahh" right?

i have nothing against filmakers wanting to make a twist in a good book. but what i am against are filmakers suddenly changing the whole story of the book - the whole essence of its being naturally a good read. like remember "A Walk to Remember?" i got overexcited watching the movie since ive already read the book and i got my hopes up because it was a book that was on the edge of being sweet but was on the borderline of being cheesy. anyways, as it turns out, the whole point of the book being titled "A Walk To Remember" was totally stripped off in the movie. You need to read before you watch.

so there. matt just found a The Da Vinci Code teaser at youtube. i wanna watch it first ok? bye.

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how did you...?

its weird when you answer stuff at blogthings and then they make you realize who you really are. its creepy but fun at the same time.

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me

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain. People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

What Do People Envy About You?

You Should Be a Poet

You have a way with words... and a talent for drawing the pure emotions out of experiences. Your poetry has the potential to make people laugh and cry at the same time. You just need to write it!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Alohilani Kaili

What's your Hawaiian Name?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

You Are Smokin' Hot

You're a terrible flirt, a sharp dresser, and a party animal. Of course, you're totally sizzling too. And for you, being hot just comes naturally.

Are You Hot?

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Sandra Spreadum

What's Your Porn Star Name?

You Are a Soy Latte

At your best, you are: free spirited, down to earth, and relaxed At your worst, you are: dogmatic and picky You drink coffee when: you need a pick me up, and green tea isn't cutting it Your caffeine addiction level: medium

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Your Extroversion Profile:

Cheerfulness: Very High

Friendliness: Very High

Excitement Seeking: High

Activity Level: Medium

Sociability: Medium

Assertiveness: Low

How Extroverted Are You?

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal. You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language

What Should You Major In?

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"

What's Your Power Color?

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yadnom

again, im super hungry. sigh.

im to go to the ateneo again today to teach my kids. hope they do get to elarn something from me.

i can't wait to go to work already. i don't know, im just hung up on it. i have no plans of leaving it. really. il go to work in the mornings and go to school in the afternoons. right? i could make this work. i know i can.

***

sigh. i feel like no words are able to come out of me. i just keep on reading and reading books but unlike before, i couldn't write about all these that ive read about. don't get me wrong. im as absorbed as can be when reading such good books but, i just can't write anymore. i mean, i can write. but unlike before, it takes me suh a long time before actually knowing of what to write about and double the time to actually put all those to words. it sad and i really wish i could do something about it.

its hard for me during times like this. i feel so bad. i really do. what do other people do when they face stuff like these?

i really want it back.

***

ok. ive taken too long in front of this computer and i have to log out now. bye.

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i just got back from work a bit earlier and well, i wasn't actually working...i mean, i got there so late because my dad, my parents actually, were forcing me to resign. but i have to get through them.

btw, a BIG thank you to my boss..haha..love you!

so there. iw as with kuya jigz and ate joan after work and we went to megamall and st. francis square. kuya jigz and i were supposed to buy slippers but as it turns out, ate joan was the only one who got her pair and i was left looking at some stall with uber cute teddy bears and i ended up buying one. ate joan said i should name him 'cado' for avocado but then decided against it. i changed it to 'keido' (kiddo) and im still thinking if it fits. hmm.. after that, we ate at kfc in mega and we were to play arcade but i saw this booksale sign and i just had to get in. i bought me a new book, "ride into the morning' a novel by anne rinaldi about tempe wick, a sort-of legend in the US.

oh shf. i only got a minute more and im kicked out of this computer place. got to go.

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we just came from the ateneo and i already met my new kids. (haha. new kids. as if!) anyways, their names are len, denden and arvin. i got a guy and he was like the most shy there is. it was hard for me to make him say anything. heck, it was hard for anyone to make him say anything.

but anyhows, i miss teaching. im glad i still got this decla tutor slot. so glad. :)

***

i don't want to write anthing about my work right now. i still have lots to do, to focus on some things. sigh. but i am loving this. i do. really.

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Ten Commandments for Peace of Mind

- unknown author -

1. Do Not Interfere In Others' Business Unless Asked
Most of us create our own problems by interfering
too often in others' affairs. We do so because
somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way
is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic
and those who do not conform to our thinking must
be criticized and steered to the right direction,
our direction. This thinking denies the existence
of individuality; each one of us has created in a
unique way and no two human beings can think or
act in exactly the same way.

2. Forgive And Forget
This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We
often develop ill feelings inside our heart for
the person who insults us or harms us. We nurture
grievances. This in turn results in loss of sleep,
development of stomach ulcers, and high blood
pressure. This insult or injury was done once, but
nourishing of grievance goes on forever by
constantly remembering it. Get over this bad
habit. Believe in the justice of God. Let Him
judge the act of the one who insulted you. Life is
too short to waste in such trifles. Forgive,
Forget, and march on. Love flourishes in giving
and forgiving.

3. Do Not Crave For Recognition
This world is full of selfish people. They seldom
praise anybody without selfish motives. They may
praise you today because you are in power, but no
sooner than you are powerless, they will forget
your achievement and will start finding faults in
you. Why do you wish to kill yourself in striving
for their recognition? Their recognition is not
worth the aggravation. Do your duties ethically
and sincerely and leave the rest to God.

4. Do Not Be Jealous
We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb
our peace of mind. You know that you work harder
than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes
they get promotions; you do not. You started a
business several years ago, but you are not as
successful as your neighbor whose business is only
one year old. There are several examples like
these in everyday life. Should you be jealous? No.
If you are destined to be rich, nothing in the
world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no
one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by
blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will
not get you anywhere; it will only take away your
peace of mind.

5. Change Yourself According To The Environment
If you try to change the environment
single-handedly, the chances are you will fail.
Instead, change yourself to suit your environment.
As you do this, even the environment, which has
been unfriendly to you, will mysteriously change
and seem congenial and harmonious.

6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured
This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into
an advantage. Every day we face numerous
inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and
accidents that are beyond our control. If we
cannot control them or change them, we must learn
to put up with these things. We must learn to
endure them cheerfully thinking, "God wills it so,
so be it." God's plan is beyond our comprehension.
Believe in it and you will gain in terms of
patience, inner strength and will power.

7. Do Not Bite off More Than You Can Chew
This maxim needs to be remembered constantly. We
often tend to take more responsibilities than we
are capable of carrying out. This is done to
satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. Why take
on additional loads that may create more worries?
You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your
external activities. Reduce your material
engagements and spend time in prayer,
introspection and meditation. This will reduce
those thoughts in your mind that make you
restless. Uncluttered mind will produce greater
peace of mind.

8. Meditate Regularly
Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of
disturbing thoughts. This is the highest state of
peace of mind. Try and experience it yourself. If
you meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday,
your mind will tend to become peaceful during the
remaining twenty-three and half-hours. Your mind
will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You
would benefit by gradually increasing the period
of daily mediation. You may think that this will
interfere with your daily work. On the contrary,
this will increase your efficiency and you will be
able to produce better results in less time.

9. Never Leave the Mind Vacant
An empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil
actions start in the vacant mind. Keep your mind
occupied in something positive, something
worthwhile. Actively follow a hobby. Do something
that holds your interest. You must decide what you
value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby,
like social work or temple work, may not always
earn you more money, but you will have a sense of
fulfillment and achievement. Even when you are
resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy
reading or mental exercising.

10. Do Not Procrastinate and Never Regret
Do not waste time in protracted wondering " Should
I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months, and years
may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You
can never plan enough because you can never
anticipate all future happenings. Value your time
and do the things that need to be done. It does
not matter if you fail the first time. You can
learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time.


Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing.
Learn from your mistakes, but do not brood over
the past. DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was
destined to happen only that way. Take it as the
Will of God. You do not have the power to alter
the course of God's Will. Why cry over spilt milk?


"Do not seek happiness in the grand or complex...
instead find joy in the simple and unnoticed."
P.E.P. de Leon



This one's for someone who eases my mind. Thank
you for always being there.

(orginally posted by apocalypse)

-i just grabbed this from my friend's (ate joan) post in friendster and i loved it. people still do post sensibly. thank god for them :)

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eee

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

Start Hunting For That New Apartment

You two are ready to live together - and probably have been for a while You're a perfect match, even if you don't agree on everything What's important is compromise... a skill you and your guy have mastered So head out to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It's time for your new life together!

Should You Live Together?

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ours

You Should Be With a Water Sign!

Your best match is a Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces Why? You crave intimacy and connection in your relationship And while most guys can't open up enough for you, a Water Sign can Not that you're whole relationship will be soul gazing A Water Sign matches your goofy sense of humor - and desire to help others.

What Sign Should You Date?

Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is

After dinner at your favorite restaurant, at the spot where you first kissed.

What's Your Ideal Marriage Proposal?

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me

You Are a Natural Beauty!

You're the kind of beauty that every guy dreams about... One that looks good in the morning - without a stich of makeup That's doesn't mean you're a total hippie chic though You have style, but for you, style is effortless

What Type of Beauty Are You?

Your Scent is Mango

Sultry, sweet, and mellow You enjoy every moment of life!

What Scent Are You?

You Are Psyche!

Eternally in search of purpose and insight. You're curious and creative with a total sense of wonder. Totally empathetic, you pick up on other's moods easily. Just be sure to pamper yourself as well!

What Goddess Are You?

You are a Lavender Rose

You represent love at first sight and enchantment. Your vibe: intense and intriguing Falling in love with you is: deep and meaningful

What Color Rose Are You?

You Are An Independent Girlfriend!

Whoa, Ms. Independent! Your guy digs your modern style... But he's sometimes left to wonder if you really like him. Keep that unique spirit, but show him your love a bit more often. No worries - you're light years away from smothering him!

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

You are a No Drama Mama!

No need for drama, you just chill out and don't let things bother you You've got a peaceful, zen-like attitude... even when things get crazy You're a pleasure to be around, and you have lots of friends to show for it You don't need to be the center of attention, you're happy enough as is!

Are You a Drama Queen?

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mattie's

haha...earth!

Your Love Element Is Earth

In love, you have consistency and integrity. For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered. You attract others with your zest for life and experiences. Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time. Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life. You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk. You connect best with: Fire Avoid: Wood You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation

What Element Is Your Love?

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How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Your Love Element Is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner. For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience. You attract others with wit and a bit of flash. Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you. Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life. You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past. You connect best with: Earth Avoid: Fire You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other

What Element Is Your Love?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to give more than take in relationships. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Your World View

You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content. You value kindness and try to live by your ideals. You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material. You respect truth and are flexible. You like people, and they can readily make friends with you. You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you.

What Is Your World View?

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galing kay ate hanna

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Your Hair Should Be Blue

Wild, brilliant, and out of control. You're a risk taker with an eye to the future.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

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liar liar to such joy!

ok. i just lied and told my parents i had work today but then i had none. so there.

***

i wanted so much to write all the poems (well, the lines) suddenly rushing out of my whole system but then the computer where i was in front of had a lousy keypad that might make my mattie wake up with its loud loud clink,clank. oh by the way he was actually sleeping at my lap that time. so anyway all those poems (lines) had disappeared just like that. hai hai.

oh by the way its already monday morning and i haven't slept and in a few hours matt and i are to go to the university belt and get my tcg from ue. we're also going to divisoria (i think) to buy me some me-clothes. yay! uhh..that was just wishful thinking but let's see.

so as of now ate makris and i are talking about this utterly UGH guy that totally pisses us all off. he desperately had to sabotage all the computers here just to get back at the attendants-in-charge. eew.

***

about work again. oh i already have my work. i mean not work work exactly but work. i mean, we're just trainees and we still ahve to prove that we can actually make sales and stuff so there. hopefully we get in, no?

the compensation isn't that low or such soaring high but just enough for two eighteeners who are just trying to pay off some of the bills at home and having their fair share of solo time-s. wait. im the only one who's working so as to pay the bills off and he's working to have his phone swapped to 3g. nice, no?

***

anyway, i was able to post in my blog again! such joy!

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don't steal our sun

*some lines from 'don't steal our sun' by the thrills

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orange!yay!

Your true color is Orange!


What's Your True Color?

Brought to you by Tickle

You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

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a muse. bow.

You're a Muse!


What's Your Goddess Identity?

Brought to you by Tickle

Loreen, you're a Muse!

Known for your creative powers, you Muses are the poets and musicians of life, the patrons of the fine arts. It's funny, though — even with your inspirational prowess, you're probably not the type to boast about your guitar-strumming skills, or your latest published book of verse.

While it's great when people flock to you for ideas, there probably is a part of you that prefers to blend in sometimes — whether dressing in muted shades or staking out a one-on-one conversation at parties and social events. But try as you might not to hog the spotlight, others can't help but notice you. Must be hard to be such a goddess!

Despite any lingering modesty, you might be surprised at how much your mere presence can help improve the lives of those around you by infusing them with ideas and good thoughts. With that kind of healing energy, your inspirational ways have the potential to change the world, Muse. Whether you're scribbling sonnets, boogying with your friends, or drawing your own constellations — you're tapped in. So keep your eyes wide open to the possibilities and let that inspiration flow!

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bitching

okay. i just realized that the bitching part one i did didn't reach the "your blog published successfully" status. great.

okay, i guess my rant there was about the people in our filipino class who just cannot make a research paper by themselves within one week. like duh?! it isn't a thesis. plus, what kind of educated person who was able to almost finish a year in college cannot possible make a research paper within five hours?! right? they want it to be done in groups because i quote "marame pa po kase kameng gagawin ma'am." jusko! my grades rely on this paper. there is a possibility that this paper is the substitute of our final exams and i don't want a grade lower than dos. how can i possibly get back to up?

anyway, i just wanted to get that off my chest and let my classmates responsible for that grouping thingie read about this. itll be too harsh if i say that to their faces, right? the humiliation they'd get from me would be unspeakable.

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bitching part two

don't you just hate it when you're working on your blog and you're in an internet cafe and people are standing at your back, absent-mindedly reading what you're writing?! i mean, yes okay this is going to be posted on my blog for everyone to see..but hey, i don't want people reading what im writing BEFORE i finish it. i guess the only person i ever let reading my unfinished works is a. and imagine, a doesn't even get to read the whole of it.

another thing that bugs me is the fact that no matter how hard you try to let people know you don't want them getting close to you, they just couldn't get it. like, hello?! is it just that hard? grr.

sigh. this post is again one of those bitch rants. and i realize im turning into this overly schizophrenic lass who has nothing else to do but rant and rant and rant. but im not like that in real life, really. i just have these schizo attacks whenever the finals are coming up. add to that the fact that ive just finished with my period and ive got this pms syndrome. pre and post

.

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whatever thingies

9 lasts.
1. cigarette: first sem of 05
2. beverage: water
3. kiss: 2 seconds ago
4. hug: a
5. movie seen: y tu
6. cd played: matalarana cd
7. song listened to: a singing "may cornbits na maliit..."
8. bubble bath: was
9. time you cried: yesterday afternoon

8 have you evers
1. dated one of your best friends: huh?
2. skinny dipped: ...
3. kissed somebody and regretted it: i can't remember this..
4. fallen in love: YES
5. lost someone you loved: before..
6. been depressed: of course
7. been drunk and threw up: yup! 1st tym a and i drank together
8. run away: yep

7 states you've been to.
1. California.. not yet
2. Nevada.. not yet
3. Colorado... not yet
4. Florida... not yet
5. Arizona.. not yet
6. Hawaii... not yet
7. Michigan... not yet

6 things you've done today.
1. sleep
2. go to school
3. sleep during english class
4. eat lunch out with a
5. photo ops with josh's digi cam
6. be with a

5 favorite things in no order.
1. 0.3 g-tec pen
2. any blank notebook
3. a's letter (021406, 093005...)
4. earrings i've made
5. 0.3 g-tec pen

4 people you can tell anything to.
1. A
2. bez
3. 2 sis
4. best-es (bes, bes, bes, B1-besie)

3 wishes.
1. get back to up
2. take a masters degree in ateneo
3. be with a for forever

2 things you want to be
1. travel writer
2. a mom to koy and eish (wife to a, of course)

1 thing you regret.
1. ...

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mediatrix

i saw the above term in a fx taxi. i don't know if it's just a make-up name for the taxi or the owner really thought hard about proclaiming how the media tricks us for the most part; nonetheless, it's aptly named.

mediatrix

media really does plays tricks on us. be it from the most mundane thing to the most critically profound. i have nothing against media being a way of expression of repression, current news(without edits, please!) and what-have-yous. what i am against is media being such a free enterprise for all those elite who can afford the airtimes that costs about thousands of pesos for just a few seconds. sigh.

now media is such a powerful tool in formulating the beliefs of its audience. most especially, those with low literacy rate and has not the sufficient knowledge about a certain topic. if media says this is this, then for them, this really is what the media says this is. and its sad to think that most of the audience of media thinks the way media thinks. to think, media is being handled by those who makes us what to think that this what we should think this is.

ok that was weird. anyway, all im trying to say is, let us be the smart people that we are and not let media plays their tricks on us. enough of that mediatrix. this isn't a carnival nor is it a circus. this is real life, people. wake up and smell the freshly-baked bread of you.

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mediatrix

i saw the above term in a fx taxi. i don't know if it's just a make-up name for the taxi or the owner really thought hard about proclaiming how the media tricks us for the most part; nonetheless, it's aptly named.

mediatrix

media really does plays tricks on us. be it from the most mundane thing to the most critically profound. i have nothing against media being a way of expression of repression, current news(without edits, please!) and what-have-yous. what i am against is media being such a free enterprise for all those elite who can afford the airtimes that costs about thousands of pesos for just a few seconds. sigh.

now media is such a powerful tool in formulating the beliefs of its audience. most especially, those with low literacy rate and has not the sufficient knowledge about a certain topic. if media says this is this, then for them, this really is what the media says this is. and its sad to think that most of the audience of media thinks the way media thinks. to think, media is being handled by those who makes us what to think that this what we should think this is.

ok that was weird. anyway, all im trying to say is, let us be the smart people that we are and not let media plays their tricks on us. enough of that mediatrix. this isn't a carnival nor is it a circus. this is real life, people. wake up and smell the freshly-baked bread of you.

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cram...agrmm

ok. im not supposed to do anything besides my book review today but i can't help it. im getting tired with all the words, so i decided to change my blog's template and im proud with thi. im loving bright colors now and green is just shouting out loud!

anyways, just wanted to post somethng and this is it. i have to get back to finishing my book review, which, by the wa,y, was due Tuesday of last week. now don't be all accusatory na. ive got good and reasonable enough explanations as to why i wasn't able to pass on time.

but i gues there isn't much time to elaborate on all that right now. i have to still finish this. ciao!

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for you, baby a

ill be leaving for baguio in a few hours...without a.

***

a and i played dota just a while ago and i can't help but notice how i am going to miss him terribly. you see, even if it's just going to take me hours to go to and from baguio, it's really not the same without him. im already missing him...even if he's just iches away from me.

i actually can't stop hugging him on the way home. i am going to MISS him. waaahhh!

i wasn't abel to sleep well last night. partly because of colds and headaches but mostly because i couldn't stop crying knowing there's the possibility of a not being with me to baguio tomorrow. just imagine how wet my pillows are going to be later on as we already know a can't come with me.

i can't stop looking at him...staring at him...memorizing his every picture so that when i get stuck on teh bus without anything to, ill just think of him and imagine us two.

*tears*

sigh. i love you so much baby. i don't care if people think this is the mushiest and corniest thing they've read. they just don't know what it feels like to be away from you, even for just a second. i know we have to know this, we have to try this...but why now? just why now?

***

hey a, hey! *smoile* he's still playing dota, trying to kill roshan while still stuck in level one. he's unsuccessful, though. so im going to try it for myself. wait....ookay, so that was fun. i got to sit on his lap even though i was as unsuccessful as him in trying to kill roshan. *smoile*

sigh.

i am going to miss you terribly, a. i love you so much, so much.

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baguio

im excited. im ecstatic. im going back to baguio! well, im staying there not as long as i want to but just as long as i finish all whatevers i have to do. or else, it may be bye-bye to everything and everyone for me as im to egt stuck in our house for the rest of my life if i mess it up.

anyway, i WANT to go to BAGUIO!!! im really excited. imagine, kung cnbe ko n kay dadi maaga pa lang n kelangan ko n tlga plang umakyat edi umabot pako sa anib at panagbenga?db???!!! still, this is fine. this is actually absolutely great. i just wish all my friends there are there when i come. last time i came there were there but so late na because i was with my family and we were already almost on our way home. huhu.

i miss i miss i miss. i miss the baguio-ness of baguio.

siguro premonition ang mga pangyayari sa paligid ko, no? i mean, just last week, a friend of mine went to baguio to visit his girlfriend. then, as a and i were going home, we saw two girls in st. thomas square who obviously just came back from baguio - one was holding a lengua de gato and a peanut brittle bottle. plus, when i got to school this week (after the 4-day vacation), i saw (again) two girls talking enthusiastically about the other's visit to the panagbenga festival. and if that isn't enough, my friends were talking about baguio pa. sigh.

well, the only thing that dims all these is the possibility of a not going with me there. not enough funds kasi. pero im trying my best to save enough money for him to come with me. just imagine the cold-ness of baguio without him! sigh.

speaking of saving, i have to log out now so as i can save another 10 pesos. :)

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