am currently at gowee...nktkas lang xe my nagiwan ng mlkeng time kya i was able to visit my blog...

anyways...ive been missing a lot of people right now...i dunno...lately ive been being a little bit too emotional...and i am not liking any bit of it...well, i actually seem like a schizo you know?...laughing hard then totally depressed a sec after...hmm...i guess that's just me...freakin' weirdo...

im craving for alcohol...tho i just got drunk not too long ago...well, tipsy actually...but not drunk...i never get drunk..dunno why...i am actually starting to hate having high alcohol tolerance...you just never get drunk when you want to...

you know everytime i want to drink im actually asking myself why?...i mean...it does...couldn't...never...at all..solve anybody's problem...it's just a temporary amnesia...but well i guess the fact remains that alcohol is a universal medicine for numbness...but then...oh crap im answering my own questions...did i tell you that im not just a schizo?...im also a psycho... =D

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thursday morning

4am...am at gowee...waiting for some friends to show up so as we can hear church...ive been doing this actual ritual for the past few days, ever since simbang gabi started...

anyway...i feel so bad right now...i just read a message sent to me by my, well, i have no idea how to call her now,...i couldn't possibly call her as my ka-rel or gf or something...well since she decided to fall out of love and stuff...and honestly i couldn't really blame her...i mean...i admit am not the most perfect karelasyon or something...heck im not even worthy to be called somebody's gf...and i hate myself...because i've hurt someone...a person who isn't suppossed to be hurt...she doesn't deserve any bit of what i did...now i have no idea what im gonna do...she's asking for a closure...but then i don't know how to give her that...coz im not really good at that...and when i talk to someone...i really really need to see them and personally talk to them...*sigh*...when will i ever get the time?...

i feel really really bad...im getting depressed and it's not good for my system to feel that way coz im already on the brink of breaking down...and i don't know how much longer i can contain myself...

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gowee

am at gowee..pc#11...dunno what to do...am tired

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wednesday morning part2

well i was able to sleep...but when i woke up i got so cranky...i just missed one misa de gallo...i was suppossed to wake up at 4...i set the alarm at 3.30...but the stupid thing just didn't ring...grr..



anyways i was able to sleep earlier but now before i caught sight of frndster accounts of kadas that i knew...i checked the accounts and became quite nostalgic...i remembered how my life was back in high school..i remembered trips to the 2nd yr wing(hehe)...i remembered my kada...



aww i miss those guys...i don't have any contact with them now, except for mami azhe whose calls i look forward to...to rhia whose trips to complex i seem to always miss...to mancx through chatting over at yahoo...and to sam, through friendster...gawd..i haven't realized how important tech is for us...it's what keeps us at bay...



oh i remember...rhia is planning a some sort-of post-xmas get-together...i wish everybody would be there...im looking forward to it...

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wednesday morning

Aaarrrrrgggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am damn so frustrated…grr…I just wrote an entry in my blog but then the computer decided it did not want to publish my entry so it shut down.great.

Anyways…what I wrote about earlier was that I had a really long day and I cant sleep and im not tired which is odd because after all the things ive done this day I should be face down on my bed, catching some zzz’s…but no…im in front of the computer…typing…surfing the net…checking my account in friendster…

Sigh…I wish it’s already 4am..that way I can finally get dressed and go meet my friends and attend misa de gallo…sigh

I guess I have to stop now before I actually fill this entry with sighs.

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burned out

imagine yourself in a place where nothing else exists...you feel no air...you hear no sound...all you see is black...and as time progresses, you slowly feel yourself being sucked in by a massive force...and you can't do anything to stop it...heck, you don't even know where it is coming from...and then you gasp for air...you feel yourself crumbling to pieces...you die...



you suddenly jerk out of your bed, realizing it was all a dream...a vivd imagery of all the things surrounding you at that certain point of time...and you draw air back into your lungs...you get up, put on your coat...and go out of your apartment...



you walk into the dark night...hoping to at least catch some fresh air...you look up...and all you see is nothingness..the sky is devoid of any twinkling lights...you search your pockets for any chance of leftover cigarettes...you feel your lungs begging for smoke...you find one in your left hand pocket...you take your lighter and puffed your cig...aah...fresh air...



it really is true...fresh air would do you good.

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