am currently at gowee...nktkas lang xe my nagiwan ng mlkeng time kya i was able to visit my blog...

anyways...ive been missing a lot of people right now...i dunno...lately ive been being a little bit too emotional...and i am not liking any bit of it...well, i actually seem like a schizo you know?...laughing hard then totally depressed a sec after...hmm...i guess that's just me...freakin' weirdo...

im craving for alcohol...tho i just got drunk not too long ago...well, tipsy actually...but not drunk...i never get drunk..dunno why...i am actually starting to hate having high alcohol tolerance...you just never get drunk when you want to...

you know everytime i want to drink im actually asking myself why?...i mean...it does...couldn't...never...at all..solve anybody's problem...it's just a temporary amnesia...but well i guess the fact remains that alcohol is a universal medicine for numbness...but then...oh crap im answering my own questions...did i tell you that im not just a schizo?...im also a psycho... =D

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thursday morning

4am...am at gowee...waiting for some friends to show up so as we can hear church...ive been doing this actual ritual for the past few days, ever since simbang gabi started...

anyway...i feel so bad right now...i just read a message sent to me by my, well, i have no idea how to call her now,...i couldn't possibly call her as my ka-rel or gf or something...well since she decided to fall out of love and stuff...and honestly i couldn't really blame her...i mean...i admit am not the most perfect karelasyon or something...heck im not even worthy to be called somebody's gf...and i hate myself...because i've hurt someone...a person who isn't suppossed to be hurt...she doesn't deserve any bit of what i did...now i have no idea what im gonna do...she's asking for a closure...but then i don't know how to give her that...coz im not really good at that...and when i talk to someone...i really really need to see them and personally talk to them...*sigh*...when will i ever get the time?...

i feel really really bad...im getting depressed and it's not good for my system to feel that way coz im already on the brink of breaking down...and i don't know how much longer i can contain myself...

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gowee

am at gowee..pc#11...dunno what to do...am tired

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wednesday morning part2

well i was able to sleep...but when i woke up i got so cranky...i just missed one misa de gallo...i was suppossed to wake up at 4...i set the alarm at 3.30...but the stupid thing just didn't ring...grr..



anyways i was able to sleep earlier but now before i caught sight of frndster accounts of kadas that i knew...i checked the accounts and became quite nostalgic...i remembered how my life was back in high school..i remembered trips to the 2nd yr wing(hehe)...i remembered my kada...



aww i miss those guys...i don't have any contact with them now, except for mami azhe whose calls i look forward to...to rhia whose trips to complex i seem to always miss...to mancx through chatting over at yahoo...and to sam, through friendster...gawd..i haven't realized how important tech is for us...it's what keeps us at bay...



oh i remember...rhia is planning a some sort-of post-xmas get-together...i wish everybody would be there...im looking forward to it...

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wednesday morning

Aaarrrrrgggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am damn so frustrated…grr…I just wrote an entry in my blog but then the computer decided it did not want to publish my entry so it shut down.great.

Anyways…what I wrote about earlier was that I had a really long day and I cant sleep and im not tired which is odd because after all the things ive done this day I should be face down on my bed, catching some zzz’s…but no…im in front of the computer…typing…surfing the net…checking my account in friendster…

Sigh…I wish it’s already 4am..that way I can finally get dressed and go meet my friends and attend misa de gallo…sigh

I guess I have to stop now before I actually fill this entry with sighs.

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burned out

imagine yourself in a place where nothing else exists...you feel no air...you hear no sound...all you see is black...and as time progresses, you slowly feel yourself being sucked in by a massive force...and you can't do anything to stop it...heck, you don't even know where it is coming from...and then you gasp for air...you feel yourself crumbling to pieces...you die...



you suddenly jerk out of your bed, realizing it was all a dream...a vivd imagery of all the things surrounding you at that certain point of time...and you draw air back into your lungs...you get up, put on your coat...and go out of your apartment...



you walk into the dark night...hoping to at least catch some fresh air...you look up...and all you see is nothingness..the sky is devoid of any twinkling lights...you search your pockets for any chance of leftover cigarettes...you feel your lungs begging for smoke...you find one in your left hand pocket...you take your lighter and puffed your cig...aah...fresh air...



it really is true...fresh air would do you good.

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::castles built on air are bound to be swept by the wind::

you were just another dream that i was foolish enough to get involved with.i knew from the start things wouldn't be what i would want them to be.but you were just too good to be true...and i let my heart be deceived.what we had meant nothing really to you. to you i was just another player. and what we had was just another one of your games.



i became so blind to reality. for you were so perfect.



"...the wind blows strongly and i cant see the sun. our castle on air has already toppled over."

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claudine gerci

claudine gerci...haha...ive a new name...thanks to kuya ghelo and to elyon's dad...haha...claudine gerci..

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claudine's thoughts

ive been scared of blank pages...but now they fill me with joy...ha!this screwed up insomniac feeling joy?...in a million years, yes.

emptiness...i am an empty being...i speak too much...but in reality, i am nothing...believe me...wait, dont...im a big fat*ssed liar, i am.

i hate feeling this way...so helpless...i wanna break free from the chains that entangle me to a life long service to...you.

but what i hate most is not the fact im enslaved...not the feeling of entrapment...

what i hate most is me...

i can easily get away from all this sh*t...but i choose not to...

coz its the only way i could be with you.

i want you d*mn much.

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senreyib

today...
ive changed...
opened my eyes to the reality ive for so long been hiding from...
im different...
but now...
you're distant.

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senul

am at gowee...8s almost 11pm...am in no hurry to go home...wanna stay hir ol nyt...

aun...so as usaul the heck am still missing him...as in ung him n tga baguio...llng....

amma missin also my bes...mga frnds q s baguio...waah!wanna go back to baguio...hate myslf f ah wont b able to go back dr...

btw, a rily hot guy s sitting beside me ryt now...llng...gwpo xe eh...hehe e2 nnmn at lumalandi ang bruha...lintek...

ung logbuk q nga pla eh dq prn nco2veran...bwct...stil cant find a black paint...lintek,...aun ge at two mins nlng aq...later....

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pagpapalalim ng mga bagay upang mas madaling ikubli ang mga nais na ipahayag

i sit and stare at the obscurity of white penetrating my whole system of being

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dare you to move

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

-switchfoot

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hell week jitters ni ate dilaw

sa bawat pagpintig
ng mailap n mga salita
kailangang hulihin
ang oras
para likumin
ang mga paliwanag
at pagpapanggap
na sa pisong inagaw
sa salat n mamamayan
ay may mga salita
sa papel,
at mga papel
na mananatili
na lamang doon.

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awit s pghihintay

sa bawat pagdilaw
ng dahon
sa bawat pagpula
ng lupa
naghihintay sa mga
nagdaang panahon...
at sa pagaasang
maibalik ang mga luha.

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saturday

so much...
a deep seated sorrow
tormented soul
under the watchful eyes of the sun
race to the cliff
down to the pits
another day...
yearning for what has been.

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senreyib

am at a pc shop with bes bheens dad petes and mags...am so damn tired...went to school expectant of things...then got a huge slap on the face...not literally though..

ges its better if i literally got slapped...i could've handled that better...a lot better...

physics paper...could you believe that??...there's more...am to make a 15 page essay, 10 font size, single spaced...and its due monday...hate myself for being so...damn...

dunno what the heck am doing...so down...

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senul

went to pizza volante...with my best's, x rjem, ramille, greven...drank lotsa cofi...ate mozarella cheese pizza...

went back to school...saw him...with...ges who...

at such n such...drank cofi...bought stuff...still not finished with my finals for psych...damn...still not reviewing for my for my finals for physics...double damn...

wasted all...money...love...stuff...

cp still lying around...beeping...waiting to be answered...i cant...i dont want to...damn...

watched exorcist...couldnt sleep at my room last night...slept with ate jel...bes rons still wasnt there yester-night?...humorless...

dont know stuff...naive...stubborn...dont wanna be emotional...

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birthday hangover

thanks...for all...for everyone...love you guys...

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senreyib

at the pc shop...just aftr going to gimbals...mr. clay in the background...am with dadi petes, kuya ghe, batchm8 trish, neki...

cigarette butts...
red flowers...
lots of writing...

(noypi in the background...is this a bamboo cd?!...petes still bamboo struck...)

head aches...damn hot...passing cars...twinklingt lights in the distance...screen saver pipes...
lost reality...lemonade blood...roller rinks...cases of the returning exes...

im lost.

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weirded

damn.
sickened.
stuffed.
kicked.
fallen.
torn.
confused.
floating.
zapped.
ticked.
died.

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selukreyim

at the lrc. with ate yello and ate glehna and kuya jan. kuya marvin and kuya gian are in the background.

some news. neki gave me flowers and chocolates last monday. we slept at ron's house that night. talked through the computer.

talked to ken.

read starfish. ate hannalily's write-up. damn good.

ate at the canteen earlier. then smoked. and i ate again. and smoked again. im tired.

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odabas

just got back from baguio earlier. talked with mark. explained things.

am at gowee. pc#2. with mama marga and dadi chriz. waiting for people. im tired. jz woke up. damn so hot. checking my friendster. checking ate hannalily's webpage.

blaring music in the background.
lots of typing hands.
loud voices echoing in the small room.
lots of people blocking fresh air.

mark sitting beside me. mama marga pulling my hair. met my little sister. so cute.

music not wanting to play. damn.
still bugging hannalily with her poems. haha.

about to post a bulletin bout isko. haha.

damn epitonic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arrgh!!!!!

3 libras....perfect circle.
Threw you the obvious And you flew with it on your back A name in your recollection Down among a million, say: Difficult enough to feel a little bit Disappointed, passed over. When I've looked right through, To see you naked and oblivious and you don't see me Well I threw you the obvious, Just to see if there's more behind the Eyes of a fallen angel, Eyes of a tragedy. Here I am expecting just a little bit Too much from the wounded But I see, See through it all, See through, And see you. So I threw you the obvious Do you see what occurs behind the Eyes of a fallen angel Eyes of a tragedy Well, oh well.. Apparently nothing. Apparently nothing at all. You don't You don't You don't see me You don't You don't You don't see me You don't You don't You don't see me You don't You don't You don't see me at all

... ...

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setram

at netopia with ate hannalily...damn net...took too long to create this thing...listening to azure ray...blocked friendster...

persistent ringing cp...can't answer...don't want to...

feng shui...scared to watch...traumatized by the ring hannalily...the terminal...romantic comedy...the notebook...sugary sweet...

wallet open...cp lying around...waiting to be snatched...haha...

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