do we give up? why?

you know how people always say how they are afraid of doing stuff that's why they run away, lie to everyone and simply cry themselves out? everyone in this world are just so scared. and to be honest, who isn't? but you see, the thing with being scared is that you just can't do that forever. because if you do, you are wasting so much time scaring your ass off. pathetic.

living isn't about being scared or hiding or taking things too slow or just simply hanging in there. if the way of the world is either to be killed or kill, that's not the only way. and we don't actually have to do the way of the world to live. i can very much picture myself living the way life should be live, thank you very much. yet that's as far as it goes - i can picture myself as such but i just can't be as such. laugh at the irony. laugh at the hypocrisy.

you know, even if i am in no way of the position to disclose such thoughts, ideas of a gray-worn-out-of-time thingie making mmmbbllrrr mmmbbddrrll noises inside of my cracked head, i still would like people to know what's in it. even if at times it just gets caught up with me and i don't even want to know what's in it.

hopefully sometime we can take a picture of some of the things thatare going through in our heads and then we can have it developed and then we can have it framed then hung up on the wall just in front of our bed so that everytime we wake up we get reminded of it and we stop all the foolishness we have to deal ourselves with for every damn single day of our lives.

although..

how do we know when enough is enough? how do we even get to know we're doing something that's not right? we can't always say something is right and something is wrong. there is always a gray area. there always is and that will never get itself out. not if you're this drunken skank of a bitch, it won't.

i know, i know, i just stooped down to using cuss words to fill up the space for my lack of eloquence these days. i apologize. and i'm this freak of a green monster when i hear people, other writers, artists, poets, talk about their struggle to become accepted for who they are through what they write. i admire the struggle. 'coz like what i've told my sis COWren (karen, actually), i've long since given up on it.

but you see, it's not really over until you say it is. and i don't have a clue. i don't know. i just don't.