conversations of a gay lizard rat and an autistic psycho humanoid freak: chapter 1

topic - mainstream writers
(in between talks of writers known, writers unwritten, writers:us)
autistic psycho humanoid freak: you know why a lot of people wants to be a writer nowadays?
gay lizard rat: why?
aphf: COOL.
glr: that four-letter word.
aphf: yep.
glr: uh huh. they've sensationalized writers.
aphf: most writers nowadays aren't just writers. they're fashion icons, as well as tv hosts, celebrities and otehr what-have-yous. they've become a part of the social scene where everybody knows everybody.
grl: they have. and i'm not saying it's such a bad thing, you know, bringing the morale of the ordinary writer to such high levels of elite-ness. but the sad thing is, they've taken the writer to a different ladder. they've repackaged her (him) as this extraordinary goddess of beauty and art, for which the latter is mostly sacrificed.
aphf: and there have actually been mainstream writers who waste words and paper and otehr people's money on such common sense thoughts on general topics of love and life and death.
glr: ugh.

topic - the lustful life of a bisexual (at most times gay) lizard rat
(a sexy pretty girl passes by)
glr: when i see girls like that, i could just imagine squeezing their bottoms hard and having sex with them.
aphf: and i thought you were plainly gay.
glr: looks could be deceiving. actions are a lot more deluding.
aphf: right.

topic - stupidity
aphf: ...which is just stupid.
glr: but stupid is not always bad.
aphf: that's right.
glr: we all harbor some stupidity in us which makes us more of who we really are.
aphf: although for some people that's exactly who they are.
glr: but that doesn't make them any less of who they are.
aphf: isn't that stupid?
glr: yes. and that's why stupidity isn't always so bad.

topic - photographs
(in between discussions of aphf's pedophilic main attractions, that attraction's love for taking photographs and our want to be actual photographers)
aphf: i really want to be one of those photograbbers.
glr: the moment stealers.
aphf: yep. wish i could.
glr: anyone can.
aphf: everyone who wanted to can. but just soem are able to.
glr: i get it. you could if you had a rather medium-sized bulky machinery with you that whirrs and flashes when you focus it on a really beautiful scrap of a moment.
aphf: good.

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innocence

i love the crossfires at the end of a fight
i love seeing them all cuddled up so tight.
i love the wind blowing through their mud-stricken faces
i love their gasping for the air in between the spaces.

look into those hazelnut eyes
and melt with the dim glow.
i try to lose myself out of this pools
but i seem to always be losing control.

i want to take a hold of your rifle in this grey spot
take you down, take all your armor
and im going to lift you up from inside out.

i love the crossfires at the end of a fight
i love the tingles of the dim night.
i love the wind blowing through their mud-stricken faces
i love the dance of the bullets outlined into space.

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coversations of a gay lizard-rat and a humaniod: the prologue

humanoid: its weird. what's weird? weird is ok. abnormal is not.
gay lizard-rat: abnormal is ok. it's the society that bugs all off.
h: welcome the anti-social. ... there should never be such a term.
glr: what term?
h: anti-social.
grl: yep, i guess. i mean, an anti-social has her (or his) set of circle.
h: right. they've got their own society of anti-socials, them being termed as such by those part of the other society.
glr: exactly.

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sigh. whine.

ok. so i was making this testimonial for matt and im stuck. i said id try to put into words how much he means to me and its taking me such a long time staring at the computer screen typing nothing. (when we say put into words, it means id have to write him a poem or any lyrical something) and i now believe that i do suck at this. whatever happened?!

sigh. oh my. now i am again starting my paragraphs with sighs. oh my.

usually, when i start with sighs, i just have no other words to fill up the space with. and i don't want that. i miss having to write about everything and now being ridiculed for it. i mean, nobody's making fun of me but whatever. i know i cant write half as much as i can back then. and i don't want that. ok. im being bitter already. pang bang wham!

...

ok. i just finished my testimonial for him. yay. oh my. its already 3am and i still have to go to work. damn. i really have to have a laptop now. its really necessary for me. well, just a credit card and six more paydays to go.

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lazy cheerers, firm believers

brief updates:

1. ok. so i know i just had my template changed but i am planning to have it changed once again. call me a discontented frustrated blog-minder, i just have to look for the perfect template to actually have a bit more enthusiasm in wanting to open my blog and write. because when i see my blog so bland, i feel like i am not having my share with the template. i just want a template that would reveal a lot about me, and last, hopefully.

2. before i forget, im doing this post, typing it, at our computer. yay! we finally have the internet connection all spelled out. double yay! and matt gave me a net card. triple yay!

3. my shift is to start in about two hours and i still haven't gotten any sleep. i was awake at around 7.30 am yesterday, having only around 9 hours of sleep since we had a birthday celebration last sunday for everyone in my dad's side of the family who's celebrated their birthday for the month of september plus my little cousin who celebrated her birthday on the exact date.

4. speaking of birthdays, i had mine last sept.30 and it was so-so. well, except for the fact that i was celebrating it (more like watching theday pass by it) together with the remains of the typhoon 'milenyo'. one good thing about it, though , is opening my eyes at the sight of matt greeting me at 1.00 am that day. he slept here and we were lounging at the sofa so when i woke up, he was the first to greet me that day. it was kilig, bliss and all other happy cheery words. one bad thing though was that i went back to sleep after. teehee.

5. another sad fact about my birthday was that it was the game two of the uaap senior men's basketball championship and the ateneo lost, having another game three the following monday (today, earlier).

6. and speaking of the game, we watched earlier, and the ateneo lost. it was a good game although there were really parts wherein wrong calls were made and a big disrespect from the players of the opposing team happened. i even ended up missing my english class (the class wherein one more absence from me means immediate drop), taking the pressure of having to fake a medical certicate bearing my name and the words UTI with it. anyways, all in all it was a good game. although i didn't really 'see' the action for the last quarter and the overtime since i was clutching my both hands in prayer and just had my head bowed down. i admit it, i cried at the end of it, because it was just two points. but i was cheering my heart out still for the three seniors, doug, macky and jc. it was really macky's statement game, scoring 28 points, proving he has what it takes to go pro. and for jc, it was really all heart. he was the most (dare i say) devastated. but we are so proud. ateneo's sixth man may not always seem to be the sixth man because of being 'lazy cheeres'(-from the guy sitting next to me, a frustrated blue babble wanna-be, i guess. but he was a good guy) although you have to agree ateneans are firm believers. we believe. we believe all heart in the ateneo way. and that, i guess is what sets us apart. because, 'win or lose, it's the school we CHOOSE.'

7. also, i gave my supervisor a couple or so of poems because he has this band who is in need of new songs and just last sunday, he was actually singing one of my poems. again, i have these feelings of kilig and bliss overwhelming me. i didn't realize how satisfying is it having your poem be turned into a song. wow.

8. i love matt. i guess i don't have to write much about him anymore. i believe everyone who knows me already knows him and vice versa. i love you my baby starboy blue. (no matter how cheesy mushy and totally gushing-highschooler that sounds.)

whoa. 8 updates. i love having an internet connection at home. that sounds rural-ish but whatever. i believe we had such a bad experience with connecting to the internet so my dad just had that taken all off and that's that. i guess he came to his senses when his girls robbed him of money for internet cafes. harhar.


"we sing our battle song:
WIN or LOSE it's the school we CHOOSE.

Mary for you, for your white and blue
We pray you keep us Mary
Constantly true.
We pray you keep us Mary
Faithful to you."
-we BELIEVE.

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