Jan 25, 2009

going out. looking in.

escapism. when problems bring you down, you tend to want to just get away from it all. to simply be alone. to be with yourself. to think. to get some sleep. to clear your head. to crowd your bed.

so you escape.

confusion. when you detach yourself from everything and everyone, that's when you find yourself in that limbo state. you find yourself more stuck into thoughts and indecision and all you want to do is hide. again,

but hiding is not an option. (nag-escape ka na, hide ka pa, ano ka, diyos?)

choice. when you don't understand yourself, you're faced with making a decision of whether you get out of that state and do something or start running away. you know you want to get away from that state but you don't want to run away.

so you fight.

faith. when you're left with nothing else and no one else by your side, you break down. you crumble to pieces and you fall. but you try to hang on to the littlest bit of yourself that's still intact. you try to hold on. you try to pull on a string of faith and put on a strong face.

you try.

and you don't give up. you keep trying until you find who you are and what you need and what you have and what you want. you keep trying to separate the haves, the needs and the wants. you look at the people around you, the places you are in, the time you have and the time you spent and how you spent it. and when you find nothing, you look inside.

and you find inside you your safest haven.

the sad part is MY safest haven is empty. and cold.