Jan 29, 2005

surfing the net...again

to be honest, i've changed my template about 5 times already...i can't find any i really want and i can't make the picture i have in my mind...*sigh*

btw, last night i watched a cinderella story(chad...oh chad), uhm, for the umpteenth time...i guess i just don't get tired of seeing chad's face over and over again...and b4 i 4get, my sister's classmate's dvd has got really cool features, like the screen tests of chad and lizzie(where they get to act the "halloween dance" scene and "you know what bugs me? taking people's orders" scene off location and in some remote room with only two potted plants acting as their stage...),and it also had this feature wherein the movie was playing and you feel as if you were watching it with the cast stars since you hear them laugh and comment on each other and stuff like that...and chad's voice is simply to die for.

harhar...guess you can say im pretty much addicted to chad michael murray...too bad he's gonna get married...grr...but there are a lot of chad murrays out there right?...*sigh* i wanna meet mine.


anyways...nothing.i just felt how much i wanted to get tied down agin...i mean, how much i wanna have a boy/girl-friend again...as what i've continuously explained, i am not after any physical affection(believe me, i've had enough of that...and more)...i just...i dunno...want to feel being taken cared of, owned, loved...*sigh*

but when i think of that my rational thinking sets me back to reality...i could not risk getting involved again...my life's just too complicated...and i don't wanna mess it up more because of this secret fantasy of wanting to be loved and crap like that.

i couldn't.



a million characters i waste in sighs(haha...remember how chad quoted tennyson in the movie?)...nothing left in my lips to speak about...i carry on with a head up high...hoping tomorrow i'd write all this out...

hahahaha...is that right?ladies and gentlemen,again, you witness my pathetic attempt at writing lines out of nowhere thus strung together make no sense whatsoever...clap, clap...one of the million ways that makes me feel so stupid...parang nabobobo ako na ewan...is this what happens when you spend almost all your life in school then suddenly just it's just not there anymore?whatever.


wow...i guess i wrote a lot...it's just 2.35am and i'm still not sleepy...


there are actually a lot of things on my mind right now but i can't seem to grasp them and realize what they mean put together...it's like the images,pictures,words,phrases,lines, are flashing in my mind but i don't know how to say them out loud or write them down...coz they pop for only about a second and before i could even think of it, they're gone, just like that.