"i could fall asleep in those eyes like a water bed"

i am on the verge of tears just browsing through all our pictures and realizing how much i really miss holding you close. there's no other word for it. i miss you. i miss you so much it's already killing me. but i have to do this. we have to be strong for us. i know we'd get through. it's just that, i miss you.

everytime we are not together i just think of you and when im with you im just wishing for the whole world to stop revolving and just get stuck at that point in time when we are finally together and i get to hold you close and laugh with you and share everything with you and just plainly love you - i just want to make you feel loved.

please don't hold back. i feel down everytime i try to give all effort and not feel as appreciated as should be. but i knowi should not expect things from anyone, most especially you. but i guess you're the one thing that gives me life and as well as kills me. i love you so much.

to love you would mean to risk all that i have within me.
to love you would mean to lose sight of myself.
to love you would mean to write a thousand poems of collision.
to love you would mean to get out of this box i am in.
to love you would mean freedom.
to love you would mean to say i love you and mean it.
to love you would mean .. bliss.

"Here I am, lost in the ashes of time, but who wants tomorrow?
In between the longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your shadow, I'm losing control
My mind drifts away, we only have today"
-afterglow, INXS

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sorry had to cut this post short. i still need sleep.

now i really have serious belief that there is something wrong with my template. the big picture on top of it all (i mean, the one on the top..damn) does not pop out. grr. and i was loving this template already. hmm... maybe its time for me to change things up. thanks for the maker of this template. it was good until it lasted. i loved the green so much. :)

anyways, i was just browsing through blogskins and i haven't found anything that'd suit my taste. 'coz im still in love with this skin. duh...wahat happened xe sa chuva na pic...haai.

by the way, im already pretty tired but i have so many things to say. where to start? where to start?

1. uhh...still don't know where to start..

maybe ill just make the updates some other time. i really need sleep.

i just have the monday off for this week but i still have to go to class that day. ok. such joy, right? but i do enjoy this life. plus, my baby mattie and i are ok now. so what else is there to bother me (home...) well, i didn't really care that much about home so why would i care or it now? sigh.

before i let this post put well, on post, i just wanna give a BIG SHOUT OUT to my baby... THANK YOU for YOU!

(he surprised me yesterday with a long-stemmed rose the color of my shirt just as i was making my last call in the office. it was...overwhelming when i saw his friend handcarry the rose to me. everyone was looking at em and all and...aah. i felt really really special at that moment.

more of this next time. much more.

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sing with the clown's cry

its not enough to be you anymore.

many times in my sleep i dream
the weirdest braided dream i ever could be in

the tangle of arms and the shadow of the lights
the glow of the red night
clinging softly yet it never fades.

i never asked fo rthe stars
i never asked for the night
i never asked for the sparks
i never asked for the lights

the silhoutte you left on my night light
shines ever so brightly in the sun
and the warmth of all the things left unsaid
tingles me with thoughts of immeasureble
uncertainty in the darkness of your glow

i long for the scraps and the bits
and the tiny pieces of ashes on snow

i yearn for the flaps and the claps
after the comic's one man show.

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