Dec 28, 2006

life stress

i was, for the nth time so on the verge of freaking out. i am just so tired and i feel so stressed. it's not even legal in some states for me to work and i have job stress! good luck with that.

i just hope i do start realizing and actually wake up knowing when spontaneity ends and responsibility begins.

Dec 18, 2006

I just finished reading some of the blogs i managed to tag with mine because they were uber nice. And i cant quite try to fill my page with words because i know i wouldn't be able to write half as good as what they have. I write simply because. On the other hand, they write because. These people have got something to say, a lot to say and they can say it outright outloud without having all those ideas jampacked into their brightly lit minds not knowing where to start. No.

I feel a bit quesy about not having something to say. Or write, that is. I wasn't such a blabbermouth. I felt like keeping to myself almost all the time when i was a kid, i had my books, my papers, my pencil (we weren't allowed to use pens before sa school so i wasn't allowed to use pens at home either) and i was so happy that after reading a book in one sitting i would start jotting down these little things in my head that just kept on dripping from me like water from a tipped glass. But now i feel like the glass has been done with such refinished touches that it's not only shock-proof but also..gtg...

Dec 4, 2006

to mumble

out of the sample servings of fantasies
i live our bittersweet realities...
a touch of magic inspired,
a flick of kisses and enchanting demands
cat fights and bull sessions we have in store,
panic-stricken and some *** galore.
id never change whats meant to be
we'd forever be the daintest quaintest
stars in this starland of tranquility.

sigh. i love you a million starfish.
and a million pink m&m's.
and a million strawberry shortcakes.
and a million meatball spaghetti.
and a million spicy squids.
and a million vanilla milkshakes.
oops, im getting hungry.
i love you my baby!
i love you my baby starboy blue!




Nov 29, 2006

conversations of a gay lizard rat and an autistic psycho humanoid freak: chapter 1

topic - mainstream writers
(in between talks of writers known, writers unwritten, writers:us)
autistic psycho humanoid freak: you know why a lot of people wants to be a writer nowadays?
gay lizard rat: why?
aphf: COOL.
glr: that four-letter word.
aphf: yep.
glr: uh huh. they've sensationalized writers.
aphf: most writers nowadays aren't just writers. they're fashion icons, as well as tv hosts, celebrities and otehr what-have-yous. they've become a part of the social scene where everybody knows everybody.
grl: they have. and i'm not saying it's such a bad thing, you know, bringing the morale of the ordinary writer to such high levels of elite-ness. but the sad thing is, they've taken the writer to a different ladder. they've repackaged her (him) as this extraordinary goddess of beauty and art, for which the latter is mostly sacrificed.
aphf: and there have actually been mainstream writers who waste words and paper and otehr people's money on such common sense thoughts on general topics of love and life and death.
glr: ugh.

topic - the lustful life of a bisexual (at most times gay) lizard rat
(a sexy pretty girl passes by)
glr: when i see girls like that, i could just imagine squeezing their bottoms hard and having sex with them.
aphf: and i thought you were plainly gay.
glr: looks could be deceiving. actions are a lot more deluding.
aphf: right.

topic - stupidity
aphf: ...which is just stupid.
glr: but stupid is not always bad.
aphf: that's right.
glr: we all harbor some stupidity in us which makes us more of who we really are.
aphf: although for some people that's exactly who they are.
glr: but that doesn't make them any less of who they are.
aphf: isn't that stupid?
glr: yes. and that's why stupidity isn't always so bad.

topic - photographs
(in between discussions of aphf's pedophilic main attractions, that attraction's love for taking photographs and our want to be actual photographers)
aphf: i really want to be one of those photograbbers.
glr: the moment stealers.
aphf: yep. wish i could.
glr: anyone can.
aphf: everyone who wanted to can. but just soem are able to.
glr: i get it. you could if you had a rather medium-sized bulky machinery with you that whirrs and flashes when you focus it on a really beautiful scrap of a moment.
aphf: good.

Nov 26, 2006

innocence

i love the crossfires at the end of a fight
i love seeing them all cuddled up so tight.

i love the wind blowing through their mud-stricken faces
i love their gasping for the air in between the spaces.

look into those hazelnut eyes
and melt with the dim glow.
i try to lose myself out of this pools
but i seem to always be losing control.

i want to take a hold of your rifle in this grey spot
take you down, take all your armor
and im going to lift you up from inside out.

i love the crossfires at the end of a fight
i love the tingles of the dim night.
i love the wind blowing through their mud-stricken faces
i love the dance of the bullets outlined into space.